My Rag Experience

Since we're on the topic of hall anyway, might as well blog about this speech that I daydreamed up while lying awake on my bed thinking about SECC.

I kinda daydreamed this scenario (many scenarios, actually) where I was asked to tell the freshies about my rag experience, and motivate them to join rag.

Haha not that I expect it to happen in real life anyway, but no harm dreaming about it.

So here goes:

"I was a rag dancer in my freshie year. I was a SECC camper too, and I had put down my name for rag after the camp. After watching the video for Midway Fair, I thought, 'Why not?'

We first began evening practices from 7 to 10, then later on from 10 to 10. During that time, we had a lot of fun doing stupid things in between practices. Like there was once we tricked Janice, the then Dance I/C, into starting practice half an hour later after our lunch break, and another time the whole bunch of us had a really rubbish conversation on what was the best way to shit.

Eventually Rag Day came. And we performed the fantasy of Daily Express.

That year, we lost.

Standing on the grass patch together with the shearites, we listened in silence as the announcer read out KR's name over and over again. Many tears fell as we could not hide our disappointment, and all of us left wanting to be champions the following year.

Second year, I was a SWOC. I wore my black attire emblazoned with the hall crest and stood on chairs with 11 other SWOCs and led the hall in cheers. That year Rag was at the Padang, and we were standing at a grass patch near the stage.

When our hall's performance came on, the sea of orange went mad. We cheered, we did the moves together, we 'pumped' the heart together. At that time, the stage had expanded to the sea of orange and the raggers standing offstage.

When our float moved off, and we quietened down, it felt like Padang was very quiet. Everyone was looking at us.

Actually, that day, basically only the 12 of us could watch the performance. The Shearites at the back were blocked by those in front, and those in front were blocked by us. But they just cheered, and did all the actions together. Everyone was just amazing.

That year, our hall brought home the Chancellor's Shield. It is our pride and a symbol of what our hall can achieve.

Rag is definitely not something that is done in a day or two. It is not easy, and it might not necessarily be fun. But the satisfaction and sense of achievement you get for watching your float drive down the parade is something that no one can deny.

Without that one scale from you, the float would never be complete, without that paint job you helped to do, the float will lack lustre, without that design you offered, the float would never win that shield.

At the very end of it all, every help counts. This is the Rag experience. And I hope you would not turn it away now that it is just right in front of you."

Breaking away

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The men can't get it: Don't you think it's amazing how women can walk about doing their daily business as though there is nothing wrong in the world even though they are dripping blood uncomfortably into their panties??

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Someone once told me "So, you're the kind who can't stop moving". I never realised that about myself, but when he said it, it jolted me.

Quite true arh.

I had begun my second year of hall feeling drained. I even talked to papaya how tired I was, and how suddenly I understood why back then in jc they felt that they were part-time students, full-time njps employees.

Throughout the second year, I yearned the elusive state of rest.

But then again, during the december holidays, I alternated between netball trainings in the day and Chingay practices at night. I'll wake up at 6 am, and collapsed into bed at 2 am. But I didn't feel tired. I only felt sleepy. (Sleepiness is easily combated with a rush of adrenaline. Tiredness halts that adrenaline.)

I guess I didn't need rest. I needed a break. From hall.

hm.. at this point, my post seems to be steering towards my decision to not stay in hall.. it's not intended, but since we're here, let 's just carry on.

I began my second year slowly recovering from a decimated self-esteem. It was debilitating, and there was no one to help me with it. And a lot of people to disrupt the process.

I am passionate about hall. I love hall. I love Block C, and I love the C-Towners. I get upset at phantoms, feel disappointed in people not willing to participate when they were very able to do so, and envy others who could go for events like DnD and all the dressed-up dinners without having to worry anything about their clothes or their pockets.

But at the same time, I felt that I could not stay on for a third year.

Just before this year's SECC, I lay awake on my bed at night thinking of the cheers that I knew, doing the stupid things we did, from freshie to councillor to senior, from bimbota gray to "backstage crew" to audience. How we've grown and changed and became immersed in a culture found nowhere else.

I love hall, and I always will. This is two years of my life I'll choose if given a chance to start over. But I feel that I'll have the courage to return only when I have become very sure of myself, and won't falter when I face the people who broke it down in the first place. It's not that I want to become the old me, someone who liked being angry and had no ears for anyone but herself.

But I want to regain and ascertain my confidence and be the person who is not afraid to be who she is.

Until then, hall life will continue being a fond memory I am proud of.

Praise be to God

Noticing that my special sem would end soon (it just ended today), I started looking out for internships about two weeks ago. Slightly more than one week ago, internships which began after June 20 started coming in. I happily applied.

My first application went in on 12 June (last week Thursday), and a couple more until 17 June (Tuesday). All the while, I was planning in my head for times when they called, and the possible scenarios that would occur. Shouldn't have planned. Up till yesterday, no one called.

From Monday till Wednesday, I kept praying for God to get me an internship, with really good pay. I told him I needed the money for exchange and I don't want a $400 internship. Really good pay. Like $750.

This morning, just after my exam, I got a call to go down for an interview. I nearly leapt for joy. Dropped by AMK Hub along the way to get a new pair of shoes. Went back, did more research on the company, got my things ready, dressed up and headed out.

The place was at Upper Thomson, like really near my place. Went in, and heard music playing while people in casual clothes walked around barefooted. Oooh.. I felt reaaaaally over-dressed.

When the "interview" formally started, I was pretty much told what I would be doing. Not questions normal interviews typically have. Immediately flashed back to my very first job "interview" where my mum's friend told me what I would be doing in the same manner too.

I think I asked the first question about the company, and her first real question to me was "So, when can I see you?" This was surreal.

When I asked how much my remuneration would be, she said "because this is an internship..."

I thought, "Oh oh. Not $400 please!"

and she wrote down the amount.

My eyeballs dropped out and rolled onto the table.

"Wow! That's really high!" I managed in a suppressed, excited, bewildered whisper.

"Yes, because we treat it as a real job, with real responsibilities."

"O...ok, if I were hired, I'll make sure I'm worth every cent." I could barely make out the words. (At that time, she hadn't asked her "so, when can I see you" question, so I wasn't entirely sure if I got it.

At that point in time, just like it is now, my head was just going "Hallelujah, hallelujah. Praise be to God, praise be to God!!!"

This is surreal.

All thanks to her

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With all the media attention that was on Clinton and Obama, I have pretty much forgotten how McCain looks like

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The team project requirement for NM 2220 was to create an e-newsletter. My group had six girls. None of us knew any shit about e-newsletter.


The lecturer explained to us really clearly what she wanted, the hyperlinks and what not. But by the third week, I was still quite apprehensive about the whole web business. No one knew anything la! Even I couldn't save the day, how could I ask someone else to do it and be there to kio sai if anything goes wrong?? What if something goes wrong???


I could take care of the photoshop bit, that's for sure (duh). But definitely absolutely completely totally surely not the html monster.


Then she said. "I'll do it."

"You sure or not?"

"Yeah. Should be ok."

Should be ok??

"Really arh?"


"Yup."

Today, after much refining and detailing (like doing word-rag like that), we handed up our e-newsletter. Originally felt quite cheated after the lecture cos we were asked to submit a zip file, which I felt totally defeated the purpose of asking us to do an online newsletter. Argh!

Anyway, the link is here. http://www.makani-news.blogspot.com/ It's definitely not any award-winning website, and not much to speak of. It's a writing module by the way. But I'm very, very proud of it.


And this is the lady who made it all possible.


She totally rocks la!


p/s hehe just realised the photo is not very flattering of her.. but that's the only one i have leh.. Just know that she's incredibly nice and amazing

Go cum elsewhere, loser!

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Don't you think the media is hinting at something with the repeated reports of disrupted rescue efforts in Sichuan?

Is it just me or are the problems seem to be mostly weather-related?

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Dear all lonely male strangers out there, please leave me alone when you see me. If I'm alone, I obviously want to be alone (duh!). If I'm with someone else, then I've got company already. So buzz off!

Stop asking for my number, stop stealing my contact information from some lucky draw ticket I filled out, stop getting my number on the pretext of some other business-related shit, stop sitting so close to me on the bus, stop asking stupid questions, and STOP PRETENDING TO INNOCENTLY TOUCH ME, ASSHOLE!

Fucking hum sup lo.

The Game

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Makeup - the mysteries of left and right continue to baffle me

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I bought Neil Strauss' The Game. When I was first introduced the book, I was filled with curiousity on what sort of pickup tricks words could possibly impart. I immediately wanted to have the book. But alas, the libraries only had CDs of it, and they were mostly on loan. Looks like I'm not the only curious person around huh.

So I resorted to buying it. When I first found the book at Kinokuniya, I was apprehensive. Instead of just grabbing it off the shelf and heading for the cashier, I hung around the aisles, randomly choosing books I was mildly interested in.

The Game was a man's book, or so I thought. Why on earth would a woman want it??

In the end, I reminded myself (the same way I always did when I felt people might look at me with a funny eye) that I was just as random a stranger as any other patron in the shop. And if I were to read a man's book, then I'll read a man's book. What the hell.

To prove my point, I took out the book to read at every opportunity throughout the day. I'll fish the kinokuniya carrier out of my bag, take out the book, open it and read it while holding on to the carrier. Some people did look. In my direction at least. But hm.. I actually like the attention :)

The first few pages brought both revelations and agreements. Revelation in that bringing a woman's self-esteem down and not showing interest was actually a bait to get her hooked, and agreement that amateurs display their fishing rods and hooks immediately, while the pro would hunt steathily.

There was another surprise as well. That pick-ups should be done on girls in a group. Funny I always got pick-ups when I'm alone, and from people hopeless at hiding their fishing rods. Haha maybe I shouldn't be the one reading this book after all.

I (finally) dyed my hair!

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Hey, I didn't know Pomegranate Ruby had caffeine!

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Can you see the difference?

Shades of grey

I love black and white photos. It always seem to tell so much more..

I languish the days back in nj when I can create my own black and whites. I could spend an entire Saturday from 10 to 4 alone in the darkroom printing. I could experiment with anything and everything I wanted, and not stop till I've got my perfect print. Such fond memories!

Sunset in the heartlands

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Suddenly, I'm beginning to think that there is no such thing as true love..

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One thing I love about living where I do, is that I get to have the view without having the heat.

But I still wouldn't mind getting back my condo life anytime!

I *heart condo life!

Bimbotic moment

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Early Wednesday morning, I heard the announcement that Aung San Suu Kyi's house arrest was extended over TV Mobile. The Singapore government expressed its disappointment to the Burmese government.

Reports on the cyclone and Sichuan quake has since taken over, and no more was mentioned of the extended house arrest.

I hate the Mayanmar junta.

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I was crossing the road near my house earlier today. Admiring my newly-done manicure, I noticed the green man coming on. As I took one step out onto the road, I heard someone say "Careful!”.

For that split second there, I freaking thought that was my conscience.

"I don’t want to die just after I had a manicure!” I told my conscience, and briefly hesitated in the middle of the road.

Then I turned around and saw a woman who repeated herself.
"Careful!” The exact same tone. “Watch out for the cars!”

Sheesh!

Do you see what i see?

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I once met this guy, and he said to me "I hate all those B pluses!" And I thought "Wow. This person is very intelligent."

Sometime later, I met another guy and he said to me "To me, B plus is very lousy." And I thought "What a showoff."

Amazing how some people just come across as losers, isn't it?

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Picture of Dorian Gray

Stoopid Shaun! What kind of a book was that??

Now my brain is screwed. As well!

Rainy season!

Woohoo! The sweltering heat has finally passed.
Kissed away by the merciful rain clouds.
hehe suddenly feel very poetic
Swift as the passing storm
gentle as the rising sun
Quiet and unbeknownst to all
who pass below hurriedly

Nothing but a PR scam?

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Finally got that huge, irritating *cough worse date ever *cough load off my chest!

Hehe. Happy days to come :)

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Mediacorp ran the charity show tonight. Quite a hastily put up show, obviously. But somehow, I just have my doubts about it.

What is it about the Sichuan quake that warrants an emergency charity show?

It is not the first or only major disaster in recent times. Why is it the only emergency charity show?

September 11 - nothing; Boxing day tsunami - nothing; Hurricane Katrina - nothing; Nicoll Highway collapse - nothing; Cyclone Nargis - nothing.

Not saying that there wasn't anything done, just nothing on the media besides Front Page attention. Why arh?

Pretty blood clot

Last night my nose bled and I spat out a new record of one blood clot (usually it's ten or more).

Ta-dah!

Pretty hor?

We cannot..

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Why can't there just be a good, simple and elegant slipper around??

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We cannot hold hands. That special feeling will come.

We cannot get drunk together. Something will happen.

Haiz. Shit.

Confession

Today, someone confessed to me. Sort of, kind of, maybe, perhaps.
He said "hmm... but i quite tempted to chase u".

I do not know why, or how is it, that I did not feel anything when he said it. There wasn't the anxiety of anticipation, or racing heart from excitement.. I was just, normal.

This person, is someone very dear to me. Someone I ever told I did not want him to fall for me.

This topic has been going for quite a while. Since last year, I think. How we could stay as best friends, how we were maybe getting too close, what we should do if one of us gets a partner.

People don't get it. They all suspect something, or predict something. But, there was nothing.

Our conversation continued with me explaining how we won't work out together, and he accepting it. Then he said that it was my decision, so he won't regret. Then he went off to bed.

I don't know what he's feeling, or how he felt.

Maybe everyone who knew would say "I told you so". Maybe I'll be able to weather it out and reply them "I told you so".
Maybe, perhaps, possibly, probably.

Lunch at St. Regis

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I wonder. Am I the only who thinks that Mahatir's mud-slinging is getting abit too childish? It was already childish before, it's just getting a bit too much now.

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My mum and brother decided to have lunch at St. Regis as a belated Mother's Day celebration. When my brother told me about the place, I somehow had the notion that it was a restaurant called San Wedges at Tanglin Shopping Centre. Then again, their reply "Tanglin Shopping Centre there" to my question of where the place was doesn't bring much surprise.

So the three of us headed out in a cab to St. Regis for lunch.

When the cab alighted us at the doorstep of the hotel, I immediately regretted not putting on any makeup. Darn, this place spills with class.

Service was impeccable even with the lack of experience. We had lunch at the Les Saveurs restaurant which happened to be all about French fine dining. All three of us got the executive lunch set.

It was quite an eye-opener really. Sparkling water, or still water. Fruit juice or any other beverage. Crackers, multi-grain, breadsticks with butter... My brother ordered a Bloody Mary without knowing it was Bloody Mary. Ha! He was soon flushed red from the alcohol but still insisted there wasn't any alcohol in it.

I used to think that I wouldn't fit in or feel comfortable in such fine dining atmospheres. But surprisingly, I fitted in quite well. I wasn't out of place or uncomfortable, or unsure of what to do. In fact, I was quite comfortable, didn't feel restricted and was quite happy. Hm.. Maybe I'm not as uncouth as I thought I was.

Appetizers was a Profiterole or a Spanish Cacciopo. That one went quite uneventfully. Just a bit of cross-tasting and exclamations.

Then came the main course, which was a choice between pan-seared cod or black angus beef. My mum chose the fish since both my brother and I chose the beef.

Pan-seared cod

Black Angus Beef

When the main course was served, my brother took a look and said, "Darn, I should have chosen the cod."

"Why? Too small har?"

"Yeah la."

"It's French dining wat."

"Never knew it was this French."

When we started on the main course, I immediately wished I hadn't listened to my mum and brother for my beef to be medium.. If I had dentures, I would have swallowed it already. Next time, I'll go for medium rare.


Dessert was an interesting course. Mum and bro ordered some banana and chocolate nem. I ordered Cherry, which was supposed to have cherry ice cream which tasted more like sorbet. But the surprise was that the ice cream was served atop creme brulee that was camouflaged so well I thought the caramel crust was actually the base of the plate. Haha yum yum!


After lunch we headed to Marketplace Paragon. It's a high-end supermarket catering largely to expats, judging from the product range and lack of Singaporean accents over there. They do have quite interesting offerings, like olives stuffed with chilli, saffron strips, lemon pepper and all those stuff not usually found in our NTUC.


With a morning like this, someone tell me I don't live in a HDB flat..

Applications closed

Today, I learnt for the second time that the female homo sapien, being the gender less physically developed, is in no position to stop the male specie from doing what the latter intends to. At all. (Second time because I had actually known it very early on, but clear for all to see, I didn't learn my lesson.) *pui

I CAN'T STAND IT!

And I've finally gotten it into my thick head that attraction based on looks gets me nowhere. At long last, "Ability to hold an interesting conversation for a prolonged period" moves up to number one on my list. "Looks" and "Accomplishments" banished to five and six. But "Intelligence above mine" remains second. I don't need insecure guys because I just so happen to be cleverer than them (and have them proclaiming their achievements repeatedly to cover their inferiority complex). Yuck!

A friend once said that my No. 2 criteria would eliminate three quarters of the guys out there. But oh what the heck, if my market's gonna be smaller, then so be it.

Irritation aside, I think I've lost that special feeling. The skip of a heartbeat, rush of endorphins, blushes, shyness.. Feels like a dead knot permanently sealed by a flame. Hm..

All of a sudden, I feel so bent on my single lifestyle. Hectic, but satisfying.

I remember I ever posted an entry declaring "Applications Open" like about one year back. I'm not exactly sure what the status is now, but after tonight, I've decided. APPLICATIONS CLOSED.

I'm switching to evergreen.

One of my aunts once said, "When women reach a certain age, we'll gain weight just by sitting still."

I stepped on the weighing machine just now.

Hm.. how true