Breaking away

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The men can't get it: Don't you think it's amazing how women can walk about doing their daily business as though there is nothing wrong in the world even though they are dripping blood uncomfortably into their panties??

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Someone once told me "So, you're the kind who can't stop moving". I never realised that about myself, but when he said it, it jolted me.

Quite true arh.

I had begun my second year of hall feeling drained. I even talked to papaya how tired I was, and how suddenly I understood why back then in jc they felt that they were part-time students, full-time njps employees.

Throughout the second year, I yearned the elusive state of rest.

But then again, during the december holidays, I alternated between netball trainings in the day and Chingay practices at night. I'll wake up at 6 am, and collapsed into bed at 2 am. But I didn't feel tired. I only felt sleepy. (Sleepiness is easily combated with a rush of adrenaline. Tiredness halts that adrenaline.)

I guess I didn't need rest. I needed a break. From hall.

hm.. at this point, my post seems to be steering towards my decision to not stay in hall.. it's not intended, but since we're here, let 's just carry on.

I began my second year slowly recovering from a decimated self-esteem. It was debilitating, and there was no one to help me with it. And a lot of people to disrupt the process.

I am passionate about hall. I love hall. I love Block C, and I love the C-Towners. I get upset at phantoms, feel disappointed in people not willing to participate when they were very able to do so, and envy others who could go for events like DnD and all the dressed-up dinners without having to worry anything about their clothes or their pockets.

But at the same time, I felt that I could not stay on for a third year.

Just before this year's SECC, I lay awake on my bed at night thinking of the cheers that I knew, doing the stupid things we did, from freshie to councillor to senior, from bimbota gray to "backstage crew" to audience. How we've grown and changed and became immersed in a culture found nowhere else.

I love hall, and I always will. This is two years of my life I'll choose if given a chance to start over. But I feel that I'll have the courage to return only when I have become very sure of myself, and won't falter when I face the people who broke it down in the first place. It's not that I want to become the old me, someone who liked being angry and had no ears for anyone but herself.

But I want to regain and ascertain my confidence and be the person who is not afraid to be who she is.

Until then, hall life will continue being a fond memory I am proud of.