Hall.......

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A pastor told me yesterday that my greatest temptation would be a non-Christian boyfriend. I have a feeling that I may be facing my biggest rejection soon. Father, please tell me you have a really awesome guy for me up your sleeves...

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I. Miss. Hall. Suddenly all the push and pull factors that were there when I was in year one come flooding back. I remembered why I wanted to run away, why I didn't want to go home, why hall seemed like such a beautiful place.

Urgh. I want to go back.

My brother and me

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Whoa. I'm really itching for a late night out.. Papaya, Watermelon where are you????

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Brother: I dress nicer for school than you do for work.
Me: I dress for work like how I dress for school.
Brother: I dress nicer for school than you do for school.
Me: ... I need new clothes.


Brother: The neighbour's boy is damn cute la
Me: Kids like these make you want to get married and have your own.
Me: Then I look at our parents. Forget it.
Me: We should all just have kids without getting married.


Sometimes, I look at my parents, and I look at my brother. I never understood how he could turn out as good as he is. I look at myself, and then at my parents, I can pretty much tell where I come from. But my brother feels like he's from a different family.

And honestly, he got more crap than me growing up. I only had to deal with unreasonable expectations. His was BIG shit. Tempers, peer pressure, menopause, esteem attacks... The only thing he had lesser than me was expectations. And the role of the eldest child la.

How did I end up so screwed?

Flat stomach!

Woot. I finally saw my flat stomach again :D

I can get used to this. :D:D:D

My Evergreen Status

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I've got a horribly screwed up system. I can't seem to eat (dinner last night was three stems of vegetables, 2 or 3 pieces of tofu, a spoonful of meat and two mouths of soup), I got the second major giddy spell in three days, and my fingers won't stop trembling.

Thank goodness my body clock is still normal.

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I was chatting with a friend when he asked me a question about relationships and I suddenly got, in my opinion, a very wise insight.

I was telling him about my inability to commit and be stable enough to be in a relationship. Then he said that when I'm ready, there might not be guys around for me to pick.

I told him that was part 2 of the problem. I had to solve part 1 first. So he asked me how may parts did I think there were.

And then I gained that insight.

I think
There are three areas to resolve for every relationship. The first being us as a person, the second being our partner and our compatibility in terms of character and beliefs. Lastly, would of course be the ongoing relationship itself, and how each of us could still be our individual selves despite being attached.

Years ago, the onset of puberty and ensuing rush of hormones ensured the absence of the first two aspects. I soon lost my individual identity, and my friends. (Being separated into different classes was also a factor).

Sometime later, I learnt about problem no. 2. Residual hormones from puberty sucessfully concealed a very jarring problem no. 1. Passion lasted like an A-bomb detonating in water.

I no longer insensibly think I'm ready for relationships and commitment. Love immortalized by Hollywood is slowly being peeled away. An ugly core remains.

It's honestly nice having a boyfriend to take care of you, have a hand to hold, send a tingle down your spine everytime you kiss.. But beyond the intimacy and making out, what's next? Sharing your problems, listening to his, talking about your day, and sms-ing "I love you"?

Hm. No, thanks. I'm not so into that.

Hi, I live in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Friggin cool. That's the name of a real town in WALES. I originally thought it was an aboriginal or tribal name from Africa or somewhere else exotic. But no. It's a town in Wales of the United Kingdom.

"The long form of the name is the longest officially recognised place name in the United Kingdom and one of the longest in the world, being 58 letters in length (51 letters in the Welsh alphabet, where "ch" and "ll" count as single letters). The name is Welsh for "St Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave"."

Source is located at this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Fastest date ever

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My brother just picked up a hobby of examining my Mammut. Every single piece of it.

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Today holds the record for the fastest date ever. But I couldn't ask for it to be any longer.

It was meet up, check out the movies, food, home.

I have never been so afraid of someone asking me to be his girlfriend. Ever.

We actually knew each other since sec 3, and through some strange reason or another, we became msn best friends. That was probably the only time I truly enjoyed our conversations. But we couldn't be together. Oh, we were both separately attached.

I actually prepared a rejection speech for him when I thought he was getting just a little too sweet in sec 4. But I never got to use it cos he only confessed when I was in J1. Idiot.

He was really nice on my nineteenth birthday. Reminded me of my birthday (which I honestly forgot about) one week earlier, asked me out, gave me a bouquet of blue roses (my favourite flowers), and a cute little bracelet.

At the same time, he was dating another girl from his school which he happily showed on his msn display. Could just die of diabetes with platonic friends like these.

And now. His hints no longer belong to the subtle/neutral category, he is getting a little over-enthusiastic/friendly and he is so very single. Shit.

My little rejection speech is entirely irrelevant, I've got no boyfriend at my disposal, and I have no blardy idea what to tell him.

Talk about a sticky situation.

My dream home

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The world boings when boing boing stops.

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I stepped into my room on Thursday and was hit by a blanket of rose scent in the air. I instantly knew what my dream home will be like in the (coming) future.

The decor will be clean and solid, with white as the main colour. The occasional green from apples or a lily in a vase made of glass.

Windows will run from floor to ceiling with white translucent drapes to match.

Apartment will be high above the crowds, revealing only the silent city below with the occasional sigh of tires when I step out of the house.

I'll have a massage chair in my study to soothe my aching back, and rows and rows of books shall line the shelves as a memory to my acquaintance with their authors.

Lights will only be yellow, as I love looking into windows with yellow lights peeking out from behind curtains.

A constant veil of roses will float in the air from the potpurri or real roses scattered around the house. My house will be a place I step in and fall in love, and feel peace. (A bit of irony there, I know)

Obviously no husband will be around to destroy the serenity.

Boing~!

Some of the people around me might have known, more than they were comfortable with, my boing boing phase. Inspired by the Sony (I think) mp3 player advertisement, I got quite intrigued by sounds. This is a post I've been wanting to write for a long time. Too bad I'm not a famous blogger, or I'd have given out prizes for anyone who can correctly decipher what I'm saying.

Boing boing.
Tick tock tick tock boing boing.
Ticktickticktick tock BOING.
Tick tock tick tock. Boing. Boing
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. boingboingboingboingboing.
Tic-k toc-k tic-k toc-k tic-k toc-k BOING!
tick tock boing...

Him

I sat down at one of the front rows with my friends chatting noisily away. Sometime later I heard a familiar voice behind. I turned around and my heart skipped a beat.

I was dressed in my sloppiest hall wear, slinging a heavy bag, having just reached school from home with no time to stop by hall for a change of clothes. I saw him walking towards me. His mannerisms were as I remembered. He didn't, or pretended he didn't, see me. My heart skipped a beat.

I made a decision to start talking to him again. Tried finding him on msn, then realised I didn't know if the email account was still active. Typed his name on Yahoo and got no results. Searched facebook, and saw his boyish looks staring back at me. My heart skipped a beat.

It has been six years.

Rain

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I honestly wonder how I'll react when I find out that Tonghai just got attached, right before I smsed him.

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Shall steal snippets of my boss' time to write. I remember a time in secondary school when I loved days like today. Heavy rain, no thunder, cold but bearable. It was umbrella duty day!

I will arrive really early in school, dump my bag in the classroom and run downstairs to the council room.

I can't really remember where we got the raincoats from. It was either General Office or in the cupboard below the blazers. But umbrellas were from General Office, no doubt. Then the whole group of us will head off down to the porch and bus stops dressed in rain coats, armed with umbrellas.

The fun wasn't really in sheltering people from the rain. That was fun, but not the greatest fun of all. The fun was being able to get wet legally. You get to wear rain coats, run out of school, splash around in the rain, and the teachers won't say anything.

I remember there was once a councillor forgot to put on her hood. She just used her umbrella to shelter Andersonians and herself. And she forgot all about it. When one of the seniors called her out, she pulled on her hood, with all the water it collected, and ran out. Her whole back was drenched.

Councillors wore white blouses with the kelly blue skirt at that time. In a sense, we couldn't afford to wear florescent bras, or get wet, or both.

But I loved getting wet. Not so I could show off my bra - they weren't much anyway. But it was fun!

In sec 4, when it was time to study for Os, and we were all relieved of our council duties, umbrella duty became a permanent memory. In sec 4 councillors also officially changed back to pinafores; no more light, fluttering skirts.

Whenever it rained in the afternoon or evening, I'll remove my school badge and name tag and pass them to my best friends while I walk outside the walkway enjoying the rain. Hahaha. They'll just nag at me throughout the whole walk to the MRT station, and again when I arrive in school the next day sneezing my head off.

I guess it's the affection as much as the fun that kept me addicted to rain. Like how I wish I still am today.

Sleeeeepy...

Something just zapped me of my life, I have no idea what. I am constantly sleepy, my fingers tremble uncontrollably, I find little interest in any other thing except lying on my bed on a rainy day feeling warm and protected from the cold outside.

I saw Batman's Bat Mobile yesterday. Looks just like a tank. If he doesn't dump it for his Lambogini (or however you spell it), I'm dumping him. His suit has improved though.

But too bad his voice is not as sexy as the cartoon's. And his moves were a bit clumsy. No wonder even Ong Sor Fern granted it only 3 and a half stars.

Joker was amazing. Psychotic. Amazingly psychotic.

Hormones

Sometimes, instead of holding back and keeping it in, maybe it would be better to let it out. The last time I ran to Joyce's room crying uncontrollably, digging up whatever cry-able history I had to pour my tears on. I didn't need the reasons. She did.

But that felt good.

I could return to my room, pack up and head out for tutorial after that. And that was the end of the episode. I returned to laughing, playing pranks and doing silly stuff.

Until today.

Hormones are still raging. It might be a big period coming.

Maybe I should just cry. Not in the office. At home, possibly. In my bed, in my locked room. No aircon, no ventilation. Just sobbing and letting it all out. No need to worry what I'm crying for, who the tears are for. There probably isn't anyone anyway.

Just really, really basic, instinctive, uncontrollable physiological reactions.

Yeah. Maybe I'll do that tonight.

Hormones

Hormones can be scary. As I found out not for the first time today. It can bring you up to the heavens in the skies and down to the pits of hell within the span of a day. Almost a bipolar disorder.

Hormones give you the good: joy, delight, excitement. They also give you the bad. Suddenly the world can seem the most despair, and hope seemed like it never existed.

That happened today.

It was most unfair to the people/person around me. I couldn't share the joy I had, for it was joy only for me. Yet I couldn't keep the sorrow within myself, for I wear my feelings on my face.

Love has disappeared from me. I don't even feel it for my family.

All it took, was that one last heartbreak.

I'm sorry.

Kodak moment

I was limping along Citilink today, trying to will my blisters out of my feet, when a mother carrying her baby caught up with me. I saw the most beautiful photo moment in the next minute to come.

The baby was in those carriers straddled across the mother's front. While the mum was walking along, the baby looked up and gazed at his (or her?) mum. The mum looked back down and they remained in each other's gazes for a whole half minute, before the mother planted a kiss on the baby's forehead.

Beautiful.

I immediately wished I could take out the Sony cameras on display and capture that perfect moment.

It was simply perfect.

The Dark Knight

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I feel like doing something really dangerous. Hm. Should I?

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Can't remember how the conversation went but somewhere along the way my colleague asked me "Who Batman? Your boyfriend arh?". Suddenly my brain mechanisms came alive and in three seconds I saw my entire courtship with Batman.

If only Batman was my boyfriend..

I'll be dating a billionaire with a faithful butler, looks damn hot in a tight suit, is the genius of our time, and owns the Bat Mobile. Can you imagine going for a car ride in the Bat Mobile?

We'll drive down ECP, racing with the planes overhead!

Every date is an excitement, never knowing when Joker or Penguin will show up. Or we could just go around the city making sure everything is safe in the Bat Mobile. We can even jump off a skyscraper or two for fun!

*droolz. If only Batmay was my boyfriend..

Cold day

Brr.. It's been a cold and sleepy day. Now I'm going to start dreaming that I'm running around naked.

Men are all bastards

MEN ARE ALL BASTARDS! HOW MANY LESSONS DO YOU NEED TO GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK HEAD?!

Fuck. I'm so screwed. I want to see blood. How I wish my nose will bleed now.

Damn fisherman

This morning I woke up with an awful realization. And I thought, Shit, I might be in trouble.

Tonight, one church service, a meal and a movie later. I know, Fuck. I am in trouble.

I. Just. Got. Fished.

Damn.

A bus ride home

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Dates can really be such enjoyable affairs. If the date is the right person :)

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Argh. Caffeine's kicking in; trembling fingers and all. This is just like typing with spasms. And bad English.

I was on the bus heading home convinced that I've been brainwashed by Tiffany & Co, having heard the line "Hush baby don't say a thing, Mummy's gonna buy you a diamond ring" stubbornly playing in my head over and over and over and over again for no apparent reason. And the brilliance of it all, I haven't seen a single bluish-green ad with serif font and clean background the entire day, week, or month for that matter. That, is successful marketing.

As I was looking up at the clear blue sky with the occasional smudge of white, I saw four fighter jets silently drawing a beautiful arc across the canvas. Fifteen seconds later, the roar of their engines followed. By then, the jets had flown out of sight, leaving behind a dispursing trail of smoke/exhaust/dust/mist(?)

No one in the bus noticed. All of them had their heads up in the sky.

I so love the irony.

whatwhosaid's digest

Different workplaces have different cultures. And I have definitely learnt stuff along the way. Some words and phrases, however, have taken on a new meaning.

Awkward silence - The silence over the phone as the receptionist puts you on hold but does not know how to turn on the music

Editor - The poor fella who has to correct the mistakes of the idiot before him on a gigantous Excel sheet.

Waiting - The state of watching several icons on your mac bouncing happily away while you wonder if the machine is going to crash

Wide screens - The best inventions ever. Prevents the colleagues behind you from noticing that you're spending a bit too much time on MSN. Of course, you must not be the one with the wide screen(s).

Cooling-off period - The time between getting a cup of water from the hot water flask and actually drinking it. Duration varies depending on tongue tolerance.

Casual dressing - Treating the office like your own home

Half flush - Uses half the amount of water and does half the job of a full flush. Needs to be executed twice to complete the job.

Jelly Chills - Name of a shipping company that does not sell bubble tea.

Anticipation - The yearn for lunch/end of the work day/Friday

Jealousy - Watching your friends leave work at 5.30 when their working hours are till 6 pm

Portable - Small, tiny, puny; too small for comfortable work

Squint - The result of the concept portability

The agonies of modern society

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If anyone opened my head, he'll see a brain crawling out gasping for breath.

O-oh I so need to be in the presence of innocent stupidity. Like now

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Two things happened in succession today. First I exploded. Then I imploded. Reason: Erratic internet connection.

This is the year two thousand and eight.

Whatever happened to worrying about the weather? Oh, those who did worry became fair-weather friends; very practically worrying about the weather. And there's the verb weather but the context in which it was used never seemed to imply that the people involved ever got flustered over the weather.

Knowing how internet works as my meagre knowledge goes, our sanity are comfortably in the hands of a handful of people(!) Oh look, there goes my blood pressure. Again.

What happened to the weather again?