imagination

There was a period of time when there was this mad woman who kept calling my house and harrassing my mother (that story for another day). Whoa. Damn irritating. She's the kind who can send 22 messages in 5 minutes (her phone must be damn power) all containing the same messages, accusing my mother and sounding like she's in deep shit cos of my mother.

So basically, she kept calling, asking for my mother, until there was a point in time when my mother's blood pressure shot so high she was having giddy spells. She eventually stopped, cos I always picked up the phone and made myself a total irritant, pretend-to-know-it-all-so-i-can-lecture-you kinda bitch in front of her and she got totally frustrated.

Haha. I'm in need of some entertainment lately.

And I was just imagining a day when she'll actually go right up to my house with a TV crew behind her, knocking on the door relentlessly calling for my mother to come out and face her. But to her ignorance, both my parents are out, and there left only my brother and me.

Ha! Entertainment.

Hearing the loud and repeated knocks, with my mother being called non-stop, I went to take a look through the peephole of the front door, and found the mad woman shooting her mouth off. Delighted, I quickly went to change into something more presentable (including wearing a bra) and went to comb my hair. Told my brother the situation and my brilliant plan. Then I waited for a whole minute or two more, before opening the door.

"Where's your mother?! Ask her to come out and face me!"

"Haiyo.. Knock and knock so loudly. The neighbours will think you're a mad woman. Wait a while la. I needed to change and comb my hair wat. Must look presentable for the camera ma."

Then looking at the camera behind her, "Hor?"

"I don't want to waste my time on you. Where's your mother?!"

"She's not in lor. Why do you want to look for her?"

"Jie, who's that?" My brother walks lazily out of the room

"Haha. Your good friend la. That one send you twenty plus messages to say good morning one."

"Oh. Her arh. Whoa. Got camera some more. Hi Mum! Hi Dad!"

"Hahaha. Oh yeah. I forgot to say hi. Hi Mum! Hi Dad!!!"

"Hai sian. I never style my hair. I go and watch TV liao." And he plops down on the arm chair in the living room and starts watching Kids Central.

"Tell your mother to come out!"

"Tell you already. She's not in. I didn't bluff you. If she doesn't want to come out, I'll tell you straight in the face also. But too bad, she's not in. I also want to tell you 'You're not worth her time.' But sad la, I can't tell you." And I just shrug non-chalantly.

"You..!"

"Arh.. wait wait wait. This is our house. Private property. Careful your feet. Don't trespass lei. Kanna sued for this kind of oversight very ridiculous. Oh. And watch the slippers too. They're our property as well.

It'll just be stupid to get yourself in the news for trespassing a five-room HDB flat. Hahaha. It sounds so silly just thinking of it."

"You don't know anything. I want to see your mother!!"

"Eh.. you want her photo?"

"Ask her to come out and see me!!"

"She's not in! I told you already. The last time you called our house thirty-odd times a day, I also didn't lie to you. If she didn't want to talk to you, I told you, she would not talk to you. If she wasn't in, I told you she wasn't in. I won't lie one la.

But you were quite dumb also. Call in the afternoon 2 pm? You think my mother no need to work meh? I don't know about you la.. But you can make so many phone calls in the afternoon, and send so many smses when people are working.. You got no job har?"

"That's none of your..."

"Ay jie! Spongebob Square pants!"

"I want to watch! I love brainless shows!"

And I join my brother in front of the TV set. The woman edges in to steal a glance and gets increasingly frustrated.

"Ooh! Watch it! You're about to step across the threshold! Oh camera man, can you take more footage of our trophy cupboard? It's nothing much.. But it's still our pride? Right brother?"

"Haha. Those old cups!"

Mad woman storms off in anger, unable to find my mother, unable to get what she wants, what she wrongfully thought she deserved.

My brother and I give each other a triumphant high-five!