I am deeply inspired by beautiful writing to produce something of equal standard. But my mind is blank. I have no opinions on the ongoing youth olympics, or the disastrous floods in Pakistan, or the pesky politicking of North Korea. My mind is a silent abyss of nothingness. Perhaps a quick recount of one of my various daydreams would be an easy way out.
I often try to keep my cool to the best of my abilities when someone steps on my toes. Some people do not understand, and when you move your feet away, they delightfully take a step forward to rest their shoes on yours. Latent anger often accumulates to ignite at a time well after the event and often when I am without company.
I know of one such person, together with twenty other like-minded people. And I can't help but picture a day when he gladly imposes himself on a gathering planned deliberately without him. He is not unaware of his socially jarring ways, but does so anyway to dispense healthy doses of discomfort. Group members quickly shoot each other uneasy glances as he sets out to relive unhappy memories.
He blabbers on in rhetorical questions and attempts to explain his transgressions in falsely confident ways, while everyone else tries to tell him in perfect body language that his presence was a complete nuisance. I, unsuccessfully suppress a smile as my eyes play a daydream on him.
Eventually someone notices and asks for the reason of my delight. I snap out of my trance, jump to my feet and declare to all who would hear, "I'm sorry, everybody. I am having awesome fantasies of kicking him in the balls. Please excuse me, before I really do."
I can't imagine for sure how the reaction from the rest will be, but I know with absolute certainty: blogging this scene out is one hell of a cathartic moment.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Where would you be?
If you were given a choice to be anywhere in the world today, where would you be?
Eric Khoo replied Singapore instantaneously.
Would I have chosen the same?
In all honesty I am inclined to name a temperate country.
Where everything is foreign, and family becomes a shelter.
History does not burden, while memories do not fade.
Most importantly, the weather does not frustrate.
But if Singapore were to have today's weather all year round, I do think that home is still the best place on earth.
Eric Khoo replied Singapore instantaneously.
Would I have chosen the same?
In all honesty I am inclined to name a temperate country.
Where everything is foreign, and family becomes a shelter.
History does not burden, while memories do not fade.
Most importantly, the weather does not frustrate.
But if Singapore were to have today's weather all year round, I do think that home is still the best place on earth.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Dad is awesome
I truly appreciated Dad's way of parenting over the weekend. I had decided on what furniture I wanted since June courtesy of Ikea's 2010 catalogue and website. Dad always distrusted Ikea but he freely said ok when I told him of my choices.
At Ikea, I took a wrong turn and we walked a long way. Dad said nothing and just walked ahead of me (for a man sixty years old, he walks damn freaking fast). Finally I reached the bedroom section and showed him the chest of drawers I was eyeing but was supposedly out of stock, according to Ikea's hotline.
He said "Ok la, just get this."
Me: But it's out of stock.
Dad: Never mind. Just tell the salesman you want it and see what he says.
Me: Orh... Excuse me!
And I miraculously got the order!
Back at home when we were assemblying the furniture. Dad let me do most of the work with a teacher's patience, making sure that I knew how to do it more than what to do and watching my back for everything.
Then when we were fixing up the chest of drawers, I accidentally made an irreversible dent on the top. My reaction was a gawk and a remark "!!! Just like that???!!!". Dad just looked on without a change in expression. No reprimand or reproach. Just a reassuring look that says "It's ok."
Instantly recalling how mum would use a pen to tap on my head and ask "Why are you so stupid?", I felt so immensely grateful for Dad and his way of parenting.
My Dad is awesome :)
At Ikea, I took a wrong turn and we walked a long way. Dad said nothing and just walked ahead of me (for a man sixty years old, he walks damn freaking fast). Finally I reached the bedroom section and showed him the chest of drawers I was eyeing but was supposedly out of stock, according to Ikea's hotline.
He said "Ok la, just get this."
Me: But it's out of stock.
Dad: Never mind. Just tell the salesman you want it and see what he says.
Me: Orh... Excuse me!
And I miraculously got the order!
Back at home when we were assemblying the furniture. Dad let me do most of the work with a teacher's patience, making sure that I knew how to do it more than what to do and watching my back for everything.
Then when we were fixing up the chest of drawers, I accidentally made an irreversible dent on the top. My reaction was a gawk and a remark "!!! Just like that???!!!". Dad just looked on without a change in expression. No reprimand or reproach. Just a reassuring look that says "It's ok."
Instantly recalling how mum would use a pen to tap on my head and ask "Why are you so stupid?", I felt so immensely grateful for Dad and his way of parenting.
My Dad is awesome :)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Pseudo urban myths
Do you think that if I rolled out a few statements off the top of my head assertively and authoritatively, people might actually take truth in it?
Let's try.
Computers are made to spoil, otherwise money won't roll in for the big techies.
Handphone radiation was just a concept by the pager companies. They were trying to keep competition off their backs.
Strawberries have been found to cure cancer, but scientists rejected it cos they think the solution is too simple to be true.
Japan and Germany surrendered during WWII only because they had the guaranteed promise of USA to be the no. 2 and 3 economies for the next fifty years thereafter.
Society is degrading because people in the past were hired just to think. Now people are hired just to do.
Theatre came before novels cos people learnt to speak before they learnt to read.
If you travel into a black hole faster than the speed of light, you will enter the fifth dimension.
Wireless internet has made the world more daring, but more stupid.
It is cheaper to live in Singapore than in Korea because we don't have winter.
The government will announce a marriage bonus, then a dating bonus as they start to realise the baby bonus seriously does not work.
Facebook will be bought over by Google in time to come, at a never-before-heard price that will spell the biggest acquisition that will spell the biggest failure in the IT business.
The confidential military files on wikileaks come from Google.
Google earns most of its revenue from their espionage deals. The only real business in the search engine field is Yahoo.
The Chinese-accented English is actually the most common accent on the face of the Earth.
Do you think any of these might one day become urban myths?
Let's try.
Computers are made to spoil, otherwise money won't roll in for the big techies.
Handphone radiation was just a concept by the pager companies. They were trying to keep competition off their backs.
Strawberries have been found to cure cancer, but scientists rejected it cos they think the solution is too simple to be true.
Japan and Germany surrendered during WWII only because they had the guaranteed promise of USA to be the no. 2 and 3 economies for the next fifty years thereafter.
Society is degrading because people in the past were hired just to think. Now people are hired just to do.
Theatre came before novels cos people learnt to speak before they learnt to read.
If you travel into a black hole faster than the speed of light, you will enter the fifth dimension.
Wireless internet has made the world more daring, but more stupid.
It is cheaper to live in Singapore than in Korea because we don't have winter.
The government will announce a marriage bonus, then a dating bonus as they start to realise the baby bonus seriously does not work.
Facebook will be bought over by Google in time to come, at a never-before-heard price that will spell the biggest acquisition that will spell the biggest failure in the IT business.
The confidential military files on wikileaks come from Google.
Google earns most of its revenue from their espionage deals. The only real business in the search engine field is Yahoo.
The Chinese-accented English is actually the most common accent on the face of the Earth.
Do you think any of these might one day become urban myths?
Saturday, August 14, 2010
So much for a gracious Singapore
YOG is here. And motorists have to give way to them. This, the news showed that we have done with a video of vehicles parting in a sea of traffic.
It was an unusually moving video for a country infamous for rude and impatient drivers. Positioned at the front in a YOG bus, the footage showed how vehicles began flashing their signals one by one to clear the way for the looming bus behind. How touching.
And then, the report ended with a non-chalant statement that "All drivers who do not give way to YOG vehicles will be fined $130".
Poof! Singapore is once again a country full of unscrupulous, selfish and all things obnoxious drivers.
Is the fine absolutely necessary?
Come on, tell me. What is the penalty for not giving way to an ambulance? Or a fire engine? Or a police car? Do you know do you know? I know you might get summoned. And I know, dead sure, what the penalty is for not giving way to YOG vehicles.
The government has that much faith in us, huh. Totally makes me wanna obstruct a YOG vehicle in defiance. Ptewy.
It was an unusually moving video for a country infamous for rude and impatient drivers. Positioned at the front in a YOG bus, the footage showed how vehicles began flashing their signals one by one to clear the way for the looming bus behind. How touching.
And then, the report ended with a non-chalant statement that "All drivers who do not give way to YOG vehicles will be fined $130".
Poof! Singapore is once again a country full of unscrupulous, selfish and all things obnoxious drivers.
Is the fine absolutely necessary?
Come on, tell me. What is the penalty for not giving way to an ambulance? Or a fire engine? Or a police car? Do you know do you know? I know you might get summoned. And I know, dead sure, what the penalty is for not giving way to YOG vehicles.
The government has that much faith in us, huh. Totally makes me wanna obstruct a YOG vehicle in defiance. Ptewy.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A colour blind Singapore
For quite some time now, I have been thinking of the possibility of a colour blind Singapore. A point in time and from then onwards when I look at a fellow Singaporean and I see only a fellow Singaporean.
I fully understand why politics in Singapore had to be run along racial lines early into independence. We had no sense of nationalism, and we were at best a patchwork of cultures. We were kicked out by Malaysia, our independence was shoved down our throats and we can only take it from there trying not to look back.
But now the red dot has done it. We've proven our worth in the global economy, somehow became the leader of Southeast Asia (I mean, what would SEA do without Singapore??), and is the island four million proud Singaporeans call home.
Just to prove my point. My granddad came from China, and I would love to visit Swatow one day, but I don't see myself holding anything more than a tourist visa. And I am damn proud that we have left Malaysia to play catch up even though they were the ones who were obviously at a better advantage in the beginning. Take that Tunkus something something I forgot your names!
And this tropical island has moved on. I think our politics should too. I didn't really understand the big fuss about the double-barrelled race thing, or why MM Lee said Singapore is still not ready for a non-Chinese Prime Minister. Aren't we all Singaporeans?
I know it is difficult for us to look past our skin colours, I sometimes do that too. That Channel 8 is the most popular channel here isn't helping.
Surely there will be salient racial characteristics. The beautiful eyes of Indians and Malays, usually fair skin of the Chinese, acquiline features of Eurasians, occasional accents, and our various linguistic abilities. I wish that this is as far as it will go.
My dream for Singapore is simple. It will be that when we look at another person, we will not see the stereotypes on them and we will not be affected by what we know of the country their grandparents originate. Everyone grew up on the same soil, maybe some on reclaimed land, sing the same national anthem, recite the same pledge, and love the ndp song "Home". The guys served the same army, and the girls talked about the guys who served the same army. Why should skin colour change anything?
I wish Singapore would stop being described as a multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi whatever country. We are a small country of 4 million citizens (so small that those 9 letters are really why you can spot us on the map), often known as the garden city, with safety so incredible you can walk out alone in the middle of the night and still be unharmed (please don't take it for granted). We are not perfect and we know it. But we are 4 million Singaporeans. Period.
I fully understand why politics in Singapore had to be run along racial lines early into independence. We had no sense of nationalism, and we were at best a patchwork of cultures. We were kicked out by Malaysia, our independence was shoved down our throats and we can only take it from there trying not to look back.
But now the red dot has done it. We've proven our worth in the global economy, somehow became the leader of Southeast Asia (I mean, what would SEA do without Singapore??), and is the island four million proud Singaporeans call home.
Just to prove my point. My granddad came from China, and I would love to visit Swatow one day, but I don't see myself holding anything more than a tourist visa. And I am damn proud that we have left Malaysia to play catch up even though they were the ones who were obviously at a better advantage in the beginning. Take that Tunkus something something I forgot your names!
And this tropical island has moved on. I think our politics should too. I didn't really understand the big fuss about the double-barrelled race thing, or why MM Lee said Singapore is still not ready for a non-Chinese Prime Minister. Aren't we all Singaporeans?
I know it is difficult for us to look past our skin colours, I sometimes do that too. That Channel 8 is the most popular channel here isn't helping.
Surely there will be salient racial characteristics. The beautiful eyes of Indians and Malays, usually fair skin of the Chinese, acquiline features of Eurasians, occasional accents, and our various linguistic abilities. I wish that this is as far as it will go.
My dream for Singapore is simple. It will be that when we look at another person, we will not see the stereotypes on them and we will not be affected by what we know of the country their grandparents originate. Everyone grew up on the same soil, maybe some on reclaimed land, sing the same national anthem, recite the same pledge, and love the ndp song "Home". The guys served the same army, and the girls talked about the guys who served the same army. Why should skin colour change anything?
I wish Singapore would stop being described as a multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi whatever country. We are a small country of 4 million citizens (so small that those 9 letters are really why you can spot us on the map), often known as the garden city, with safety so incredible you can walk out alone in the middle of the night and still be unharmed (please don't take it for granted). We are not perfect and we know it. But we are 4 million Singaporeans. Period.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Exodus
Fell ill over the weekend. Totally cowered under my blanket for the whole of Sunday. Left a lingering bitter taste in my mouth for the whole of Monday.
Went to work today. Noticed a wake at a block near my office. Noticed it was a different person from last week. This time, it was a granny. Saw that the granny had young grandchildren (her photo did look quite young anyway), and their parents had brought them to the wake.
Finally reached home after an hour. Saw another wake at my void deck. This one very brightly lit for some reason. Saw two red pieces of paper stuck on the walls next to the lift. This person had the fortune of passing away at home.
Came home, had dinner, bathed, opened my laptop and continued working. Dad came out and told me second granduncle from Tampines passed away. We'll be going to the wake tomorrow.
I am somehow reminded of the exodus. When the people of Israel finally left the wilderness and entered the promised land. I don't know why this scene enters my mind, for none of the grannies or grandpas are saved. But yet, this is what comes to mind. For some reason, I feel comforted.
Went to work today. Noticed a wake at a block near my office. Noticed it was a different person from last week. This time, it was a granny. Saw that the granny had young grandchildren (her photo did look quite young anyway), and their parents had brought them to the wake.
Finally reached home after an hour. Saw another wake at my void deck. This one very brightly lit for some reason. Saw two red pieces of paper stuck on the walls next to the lift. This person had the fortune of passing away at home.
Came home, had dinner, bathed, opened my laptop and continued working. Dad came out and told me second granduncle from Tampines passed away. We'll be going to the wake tomorrow.
I am somehow reminded of the exodus. When the people of Israel finally left the wilderness and entered the promised land. I don't know why this scene enters my mind, for none of the grannies or grandpas are saved. But yet, this is what comes to mind. For some reason, I feel comforted.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Where should all the money go...
Where should all the money go...
if all we want to hear are songs nicely sung?
if all we want is just pure catharsis of our innermost desires?
if all we want is just a break from the monotony of life?
The entertainment industry is either overrated or one of the most ingenious businesses of human exploitation.
*****************Warning! Spoiler ahead*********************
A dream within a dream is not new. A dream within a dream within a dream raises heads. A dream within a dream within a dream on purpose is novel.
Inception was not a bad movie. Managed to steal my breath on numerous occasions. But I got disappointed at the end when the ending was just as I expected. Camera pans down and totem continues spinning.
In my honest opinion, that is the director's way of euphemizing the death of the male lead, and pretty much a straightforward conclusion for me. It is also the standard formula for keeping the option of a sequel open.
Inception 2 means Cobb didn't die, no Inception 2 means he stayed on in limbo. And that everyone's recognized solution of eliminating Mal wasn't the way out at all. All it did, in fact, was only to help Cobb to move on, in limbo, without her.
Too bad the movie didn't explain why people who go to sleep together will enter the same person's dream together.
I guess it wouldn't matter if stories turned out the way I expected. Disney movies do that, rom coms do that, too. But I love them all the same. I give myself two reasons.
First is the most common reason of expectations pushed too high by hearsay all over. Second is the fact that the one and only incident of disappointment came at the last few concluding seconds of the movie, thereby ending it on a low note.
Bummer.
I do remember another movie I was disappointed with, though. The Dark Knight. I know I blogged that Heath Ledger was awesome as joker. But really, I prefer the cartoon version. Heath Ledger definitely has his merits. That he died shortly after the movie no doubt aided in its publicity, and I do not want to mean any disrespect.
But anyone who has watched the Batman cartoon playing on Kids Central on Saturday mornings of that time would know what I mean; the graphics are nicer, effects are more awesome, batman car more stylish, and joker, just breathtaking.
Joker in The Dark Knight was psychotic, yes. But his portrayal came out.. too human. Joker in the cartoon was psychotic, but with an unexplained element of mystery.
Dark Knight Joker was just angry, violent and... adventurous with fashion. I mean, his whole outfit was just to hide his scars and make him stand out among others. There was no feeling of eerieness or fear from looking at him. You could even prep yourself up to fight him.
Cartoon Joker on the other hand, was calm, exceedingly intelligent, and played an excellent game of cat and mouse with Batman. His getup sends the shivers down your spine, and you just know you're in for it without seeing his face. Such was the presence of cartoon Joker.
Funny how a kids' channel can play out something darker than the movies huh.
Repeat title.
if all we want to hear are songs nicely sung?
if all we want is just pure catharsis of our innermost desires?
if all we want is just a break from the monotony of life?
The entertainment industry is either overrated or one of the most ingenious businesses of human exploitation.
*****************Warning! Spoiler ahead*********************
A dream within a dream is not new. A dream within a dream within a dream raises heads. A dream within a dream within a dream on purpose is novel.
Inception was not a bad movie. Managed to steal my breath on numerous occasions. But I got disappointed at the end when the ending was just as I expected. Camera pans down and totem continues spinning.
In my honest opinion, that is the director's way of euphemizing the death of the male lead, and pretty much a straightforward conclusion for me. It is also the standard formula for keeping the option of a sequel open.
Inception 2 means Cobb didn't die, no Inception 2 means he stayed on in limbo. And that everyone's recognized solution of eliminating Mal wasn't the way out at all. All it did, in fact, was only to help Cobb to move on, in limbo, without her.
Too bad the movie didn't explain why people who go to sleep together will enter the same person's dream together.
I guess it wouldn't matter if stories turned out the way I expected. Disney movies do that, rom coms do that, too. But I love them all the same. I give myself two reasons.
First is the most common reason of expectations pushed too high by hearsay all over. Second is the fact that the one and only incident of disappointment came at the last few concluding seconds of the movie, thereby ending it on a low note.
Bummer.
I do remember another movie I was disappointed with, though. The Dark Knight. I know I blogged that Heath Ledger was awesome as joker. But really, I prefer the cartoon version. Heath Ledger definitely has his merits. That he died shortly after the movie no doubt aided in its publicity, and I do not want to mean any disrespect.
But anyone who has watched the Batman cartoon playing on Kids Central on Saturday mornings of that time would know what I mean; the graphics are nicer, effects are more awesome, batman car more stylish, and joker, just breathtaking.
Joker in The Dark Knight was psychotic, yes. But his portrayal came out.. too human. Joker in the cartoon was psychotic, but with an unexplained element of mystery.
Dark Knight Joker was just angry, violent and... adventurous with fashion. I mean, his whole outfit was just to hide his scars and make him stand out among others. There was no feeling of eerieness or fear from looking at him. You could even prep yourself up to fight him.
Cartoon Joker on the other hand, was calm, exceedingly intelligent, and played an excellent game of cat and mouse with Batman. His getup sends the shivers down your spine, and you just know you're in for it without seeing his face. Such was the presence of cartoon Joker.
Funny how a kids' channel can play out something darker than the movies huh.
Repeat title.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Stunned
Me: My brother was more handsome than I was pretty la.
Friend: Whoa! Then your brother must be very very handsome.
Me: Har??
Thanks babe! That was about the biggest compliment I've had in recent times :D
Happiness is awesome food for an empty stomach late at night
Woohoo! Went out for supper with a bunch of the YEPpies last night on an empty stomach. Same old people, same old nuances, silly antics, funny stories, incredible food. Yumz yumz. Partially amplified by my empty tummy but food was good anywayz hehe!
Reached home like 2 in the morning and only slept at around 3.30 am. AND THEN! Woke up at 7.10 without an alarm (I have no idea how I did it, and I am quite sure it was supernatural) to dress up and head to work, in time not to be the last intern to reach.
And I'm not dozing off yet. Whee!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Have you put God at the back of your mind yet?
This is a semi-controversial topic I've been putting off. It's purely my own thinking, and no church is involved in this.
I have God at the back of my mind. Not at the top of it. I am not constantly thinking of Bible verses, or any of the ten commandments. I do not repeatedly remind myself what I should do that my actions will be considered the Christian way, or look at others to see if God is pleased with them. Certainly, I do not look to God for every small thing in my life.
Why? Because I know He is there. I do not have to look for Him to know He is there, or pray for blessings to know that I will be blessed. I do not give in the hope that I might receive, because I know that I will receive no matter what.
God is always at the back of my mind. No matter what, He is always there.
He is my backer and assurance. The source of my confidence, and the knowledge that grace will lead me to do what is right.
I have never forgotten Him in my daily life. His awesomeness, loveliness and everything goodness are always.. at the back of my mind. And I intend to keep them there.
Let me explain. I did try to put God at the top of my mind. I ever tried repeating verses over and over in my head. And I found myself weary. I found that living a life this way was to put myself in the centre and God at the side. I was banking on myself and my own efforts to lead a Christian life and *gulp "follow the rules".
Some people make a show of their faith by praying before meals or tithing a fixed portion of their salaries. I have absolutely nothing against these. But are these people just following empty protocol?
I don't pray before meals, but I am thankful for the food, the place and the cooks throughout. I am happy everytime I eat and these thoughts don't disappear when I start or join in a conversation.
Neither do I tithe a standard amount. When it's time for offerings, I look into my wallet and give however much I want. There is no measurement for the amount and it certainly does not mean that I am any less grateful on the days I give lesser, and vice versa.
Some people might think that such thinking of mine will encourage arrogance, deceit and all other vices of Man.
I feel that when you truly understand what it means to have God as your backer, you will naturally act in blessed ways. At that time, you would also have removed the focus on yourself and placed God in the centre of your life.
I have God at the back of my mind. Not at the top of it. I am not constantly thinking of Bible verses, or any of the ten commandments. I do not repeatedly remind myself what I should do that my actions will be considered the Christian way, or look at others to see if God is pleased with them. Certainly, I do not look to God for every small thing in my life.
Why? Because I know He is there. I do not have to look for Him to know He is there, or pray for blessings to know that I will be blessed. I do not give in the hope that I might receive, because I know that I will receive no matter what.
God is always at the back of my mind. No matter what, He is always there.
He is my backer and assurance. The source of my confidence, and the knowledge that grace will lead me to do what is right.
I have never forgotten Him in my daily life. His awesomeness, loveliness and everything goodness are always.. at the back of my mind. And I intend to keep them there.
Let me explain. I did try to put God at the top of my mind. I ever tried repeating verses over and over in my head. And I found myself weary. I found that living a life this way was to put myself in the centre and God at the side. I was banking on myself and my own efforts to lead a Christian life and *gulp "follow the rules".
Some people make a show of their faith by praying before meals or tithing a fixed portion of their salaries. I have absolutely nothing against these. But are these people just following empty protocol?
I don't pray before meals, but I am thankful for the food, the place and the cooks throughout. I am happy everytime I eat and these thoughts don't disappear when I start or join in a conversation.
Neither do I tithe a standard amount. When it's time for offerings, I look into my wallet and give however much I want. There is no measurement for the amount and it certainly does not mean that I am any less grateful on the days I give lesser, and vice versa.
Some people might think that such thinking of mine will encourage arrogance, deceit and all other vices of Man.
I feel that when you truly understand what it means to have God as your backer, you will naturally act in blessed ways. At that time, you would also have removed the focus on yourself and placed God in the centre of your life.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Marketing 101
599 is a long TIBS bus, and sometimes with no seats by the time it reaches my stop. It charges a flat $3.80 rate, which is typically twice the amount needed to get to the CBD. The time you need to leave the house is still the same, and travelling time is almost an hour. Whyyyy will people still want to take that bus?
Because the trains are simply too crowded. And SMRT has shown its incapability time and again to solve the problem. AND they still want us to take public transport more.
But they are quite smart to spot this gap in demand and supply, and could devise a route that would not compete head-on with existing private transport offerings while still earning money.
Marketing 101.
Because the trains are simply too crowded. And SMRT has shown its incapability time and again to solve the problem. AND they still want us to take public transport more.
But they are quite smart to spot this gap in demand and supply, and could devise a route that would not compete head-on with existing private transport offerings while still earning money.
Marketing 101.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Lessons from my mother
Mum's case this time round has taught me more than what she could ever impart in her normal course of parenting.
It's not about blind conformity, or mindlessly becoming the better person dictated by society. It's about what you want to achieve by being who you are.
I know very clearly what was my aim when I went about the deliberate personality then character change nearly three years ago, and I am glad I chose that path.
Interestingly, I see a lot of my old self in people around me, guys especially. And a lot of times I can't help but think to myself "How petty men can be. How petty I was!"
I do wonder what our generation will grow up to be like. Maybe after all, pettiness and magnanimity are void of gender, but society so decides the inherent masculinity or femininity of these personality traits. Maybe after all, some people have already seen my last sentence as the truth instead of a mere proposition.
It's not about blind conformity, or mindlessly becoming the better person dictated by society. It's about what you want to achieve by being who you are.
I know very clearly what was my aim when I went about the deliberate personality then character change nearly three years ago, and I am glad I chose that path.
Interestingly, I see a lot of my old self in people around me, guys especially. And a lot of times I can't help but think to myself "How petty men can be. How petty I was!"
I do wonder what our generation will grow up to be like. Maybe after all, pettiness and magnanimity are void of gender, but society so decides the inherent masculinity or femininity of these personality traits. Maybe after all, some people have already seen my last sentence as the truth instead of a mere proposition.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
请让我说出来吧
最终还是决定把我的心声讲出来。
我最近觉得非常的脆弱。心里留着一种莫名的悲感。我很希望有一双健壮的手紧紧地把我拥抱着，不放手。或许，我一直就存着这种愿望吧。
我依然觉得爱情应该是快快乐乐的。甜滋滋的感觉令人兴奋回味。
不停地责怪，哪算是爱。
我总觉得我像在还一个永远还不清的债。不停地付出，不停地解释。只不过想看到他一丝的微笑。
我无法自拔的栽下去，所以不可理喻地让自己盲目; 太多时候我选择沉默，更多时候我故意忽视。
后期，我的气球终于爆炸了。弄得完全不可收拾。
我讨厌他。非常讨厌他。为什么让我那么痛苦？为什么就不肯让步？一定要不停地逼问，不断地责怪，他才会安心吗？怎么一定要把我定出一个罪来，他才会满足吗？我明明就是无辜的！
他弄得连我们一滴快乐的时光我也完全回想不起。只是，一想到他的脸，甚至只是那个名字，我就会感受到一波接一波的愤怒、烦恼、无奈。
算了。反正从一开始我们的朋友都没有为我们开心。不是叫我想清楚就是无动于衷。也只能这样，对吧？算了。
我一定会活得比你更开心的！！！
我最近觉得非常的脆弱。心里留着一种莫名的悲感。我很希望有一双健壮的手紧紧地把我拥抱着，不放手。或许，我一直就存着这种愿望吧。
我依然觉得爱情应该是快快乐乐的。甜滋滋的感觉令人兴奋回味。
不停地责怪，哪算是爱。
我总觉得我像在还一个永远还不清的债。不停地付出，不停地解释。只不过想看到他一丝的微笑。
我无法自拔的栽下去，所以不可理喻地让自己盲目; 太多时候我选择沉默，更多时候我故意忽视。
后期，我的气球终于爆炸了。弄得完全不可收拾。
我讨厌他。非常讨厌他。为什么让我那么痛苦？为什么就不肯让步？一定要不停地逼问，不断地责怪，他才会安心吗？怎么一定要把我定出一个罪来，他才会满足吗？我明明就是无辜的！
他弄得连我们一滴快乐的时光我也完全回想不起。只是，一想到他的脸，甚至只是那个名字，我就会感受到一波接一波的愤怒、烦恼、无奈。
算了。反正从一开始我们的朋友都没有为我们开心。不是叫我想清楚就是无动于衷。也只能这样，对吧？算了。
我一定会活得比你更开心的！！！
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Evolution of Singapore's Taxi Industry
It's Sunday! And Sunday is a typical cabbing day. Today's cab drivers, however, seem a little different.
Accented English and deep, soothing voices aside, the two cab drivers we met today turned out to have had a highly successful career just before switching to their metered cabins.
The first cab driver told us about his actuary daughter and doctor son, and a third kid who happens to be the only one among his brood who can't study. So he says, although the third is a sec 4 boy taking his Os this year at Maris Stella.
Second cab driver shared his analysis of the government's population policies with us. Very perceptively telling us that if the government needs 3-4 years for our salaries to raise by $600, it is no wonder at all that Singaporeans are so unwilling to give birth. Even the cheapest calculators could do the math, and display in all 8 digits, the ineffectiveness of the Baby Bonus.
And second cab driver had seen the world, literally. He said "Where there's an ocean, I'll be there." A couple more bantering and he revealed that he built oil rigs. And that if he was still with the company, they would be the ones taking over BP's mess. I'd assume that the company would also be doing a better job since no one could be doing worse than BP and Tony Hayward.
Then when we got off the cab, mum told me "No matter how much a junk (word used by cabby himself) Singapore is, you still have to return to your roots. That's why he would rather come back here and drive a cab than be out there building oil rigs."
Suddenly everyone around me is very insightful ah.
Accented English and deep, soothing voices aside, the two cab drivers we met today turned out to have had a highly successful career just before switching to their metered cabins.
The first cab driver told us about his actuary daughter and doctor son, and a third kid who happens to be the only one among his brood who can't study. So he says, although the third is a sec 4 boy taking his Os this year at Maris Stella.
Second cab driver shared his analysis of the government's population policies with us. Very perceptively telling us that if the government needs 3-4 years for our salaries to raise by $600, it is no wonder at all that Singaporeans are so unwilling to give birth. Even the cheapest calculators could do the math, and display in all 8 digits, the ineffectiveness of the Baby Bonus.
And second cab driver had seen the world, literally. He said "Where there's an ocean, I'll be there." A couple more bantering and he revealed that he built oil rigs. And that if he was still with the company, they would be the ones taking over BP's mess. I'd assume that the company would also be doing a better job since no one could be doing worse than BP and Tony Hayward.
Then when we got off the cab, mum told me "No matter how much a junk (word used by cabby himself) Singapore is, you still have to return to your roots. That's why he would rather come back here and drive a cab than be out there building oil rigs."
Suddenly everyone around me is very insightful ah.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
If I had $380 million…
Hm…
Move the family to a penthouse in Orchard. I super super heart condo life (and super super miss Eastern Lagoon bleah)! Mandatory condo amenities are swimming pool and gym.
Get two cars. One for dad and one (Volkswagen Beetle oh yeah) for me. Brother will get his when he finally gets a license.
Oh! $100 million goes for investments. $30 million will just be up for grabs by all private bankers interested in my money, and $70 million will go to mum for her annual sales figure, or figures. However she wants to allocate her cases.
$5 million into the bank for my daily expenses. $10 million for household expenses.
The rest into the church.
Hm. Since I’m flipping through the IKEA catalogue now, I might as well throw in a new work table and chair. I need something for my back oof.
Move the family to a penthouse in Orchard. I super super heart condo life (and super super miss Eastern Lagoon bleah)! Mandatory condo amenities are swimming pool and gym.
Get two cars. One for dad and one (Volkswagen Beetle oh yeah) for me. Brother will get his when he finally gets a license.
Oh! $100 million goes for investments. $30 million will just be up for grabs by all private bankers interested in my money, and $70 million will go to mum for her annual sales figure, or figures. However she wants to allocate her cases.
$5 million into the bank for my daily expenses. $10 million for household expenses.
The rest into the church.
Hm. Since I’m flipping through the IKEA catalogue now, I might as well throw in a new work table and chair. I need something for my back oof.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Damn a lot of fire. Absolutely no content.
I'm going to attempt to write a really interesting, humourous, and illogical blog post. Inspired by Jane Berentson's "Miss Harper can do it". Awesome read. For chicks only.
Woke up this morning remembering that I had a huge craving for salad with vinegarette while trying to fall asleep the night before. So I clambered out of bed, washed up, and pulled open the bottom drawer of my house refrigerator.
Carrots.. And other eastern vegetables that couldn't be eaten raw.
Fine. Carrots and vinegarette then.
Splashed one teaspoon of rice vinegar and 3 teaspoon of soya sauce into a small bowl. Taste test. FAIL.
Snooped around again and found a new bottle of salsa.
30 minutes later. New bottle of salsa refuses to open. Fine. Whipped out ketchup bottle and mixed it with soya sauce-vinegar solution. Threw in the carrot sticks and started munching. Finished the carrot sticks and licked the bowl clean. Opened the fridge for a bottle of water and spotted... a half-finished jar of salsa deep in the recesses of the second shelf. FML.
Felt indignant about not eating said jar of salsa. Dug out butter crackers and helped myself to generous servings of salsa on butter crackers. Something about the lingering smell of roasted tomatoes on my fingers made me go back and opened a second pack of three butter crackers.
On hindsight, I think the salsa might have been drugged. As in, spiced with addictive drugs, drugged. Because the taste in my mouth tempted me to go back for more. So I made myself a cup of hm.. cocoa milk; milo plus milk.
And I fell into a deep sleep after that. Milo must have been drugged. Sleep-inducing drugged drugged.
Woke up feeling oh-so-stuffed. Felt my whole body supported and connected by the huge ball of my belly. I must be going through the oral stage of my menstrual cycle.
I'm trying to metamorphorise myself into a dim sum - too much meat, and too little skin - to explain my overstuffed feeling.
And that totally made me feel like going for yum cha.
Should I???
Woke up this morning remembering that I had a huge craving for salad with vinegarette while trying to fall asleep the night before. So I clambered out of bed, washed up, and pulled open the bottom drawer of my house refrigerator.
Carrots.. And other eastern vegetables that couldn't be eaten raw.
Fine. Carrots and vinegarette then.
Splashed one teaspoon of rice vinegar and 3 teaspoon of soya sauce into a small bowl. Taste test. FAIL.
Snooped around again and found a new bottle of salsa.
30 minutes later. New bottle of salsa refuses to open. Fine. Whipped out ketchup bottle and mixed it with soya sauce-vinegar solution. Threw in the carrot sticks and started munching. Finished the carrot sticks and licked the bowl clean. Opened the fridge for a bottle of water and spotted... a half-finished jar of salsa deep in the recesses of the second shelf. FML.
Felt indignant about not eating said jar of salsa. Dug out butter crackers and helped myself to generous servings of salsa on butter crackers. Something about the lingering smell of roasted tomatoes on my fingers made me go back and opened a second pack of three butter crackers.
On hindsight, I think the salsa might have been drugged. As in, spiced with addictive drugs, drugged. Because the taste in my mouth tempted me to go back for more. So I made myself a cup of hm.. cocoa milk; milo plus milk.
And I fell into a deep sleep after that. Milo must have been drugged. Sleep-inducing drugged drugged.
Woke up feeling oh-so-stuffed. Felt my whole body supported and connected by the huge ball of my belly. I must be going through the oral stage of my menstrual cycle.
I'm trying to metamorphorise myself into a dim sum - too much meat, and too little skin - to explain my overstuffed feeling.
And that totally made me feel like going for yum cha.
Should I???
Sunday, June 06, 2010
This trip to Cambodia
I guess it's time I write some reflections for the trip to Cambodia. As a photographer, a team member and in future, a mother.
I guess children are really a reflection of what we treat them as. The kids at UNACAS were given independence and role models to follow. They were also taught skills and the beauty of God's grace. It is not surprising then, that we see independent children in that orphanage who have learnt to give and love each other, and all of whom have a wish to take on responsibilities as they come of age.
In contrast, particularly with the kids at the post-trip CIP, I saw sheltered children who are often given a negative reply for things they do, and good character entails passive submission and obedience to rules set by grown ups.
Rules are still necessary, and passive submission is still needed if they were to know what are the allowable boundaries, but it gets ridiculous when rules are just there for the sake of it. Case in point, why on earth must you cross your hands to show that you've got good posture?? Isn't that BAD BODY LANGUAGE??
Wonder if that woman knows what her spark of genius is teaching her students.
One girl came up to us and told us we shouldn't play a game because too many people were falling down. Her remark brought up flashes of how I was brought up.
My parents often said "No" and "No good" to the things I do. I often rejected other peoples' advice and suggestions in turn. I became a stickler to rules, and till this day I still find remnants of my overly conservative self in my thoughts and actions. But such negating teachings have repercussions beyond a monotonous way of doing things. I found myself to be a grumpy, angry and easily provoked person.
It was probably a mixture of everything, besides parental guidance. My parents weren't spending much time with us, and when they did, it was really to check our spelling grades and sign consent forms. My brother's everything was my responsibility, and the teachers in school weren't particularly encouraging our sense of adventure.
I guess changing from PLMGPS to Rosyth was also a big factor. I remember letting my character spiral into gloominess, failing miserably in both the social and academic expectations departments. My unwillingness to accept change was probably already ingrained in my character. Just that maybe in PLMGPS the environment was friendlier, and it held the bulk of my childhood school memories.
Through this trip, my eyes were opened by how some people always had the team in mind. I remember working on the fence near the playground at UNACAS, and there was about ten minutes of time where the equipment could only allow two or three of us to work. So the rest went to sit around the swings and the benches.
I skipped over to one of us sitting on the swing and offered to push her. She rejected. So I casually asked if she didn't like it. She said it wasn't that, but because we were still working on the fence.
And then I saw how buddies took care of each other by insisting on reporting if the other is sick, but trying to hide it if they themselves were unwell. The reason was only so that they weren't the ones resting while everyone else was working hard.
And of course I saw how the first aider was always willing to dress wounds for other people, and it really inspired me, because I, as the photographer, have found myself too lazy too many times to take out the camera.
It was heartening also for me to see how well the team looked out for me. Photography is a thankless job. People expect us to do it. But really, the offers to carry my equipment, the understanding given to let me scoot off with the camera, and the countless attempts to catch me on camera simply because I am the photographer and hence seldom in photos, have overwhelmed me with thankfulness that I'm in this team. Even if the photographer wasn't me, just knowing that the team is like this makes me feel so proud of us.
Taking on photographic duties again after two years have also re-taught me lessons. I have always told others that the best photographers are not the ones who are most skilful with their equipment. All equipment can be mastered, and everyone's perspectives will be different. But what makes one photographer stand out from another is his or her ability to speak.
This trip to Cambodia has taught me how to open my mouth again. It was good that we had the pre-trip CIP and the fundraising activities before the actual trip. At the very least, it helped me get accustomed to shoving cameras in people's faces again.
And I am really thankful that the children at the pre-trip CIP and in Cambodia are not camera-shy at all. Their willingness to pose and be taken helped bridge the communication barrier far more than what I can say for the camera-shy kids at the post-trip CIP. And to be honest, I find it extremely difficult to show the post-trip CIP kids the same amount of love I had for the pre-trip CIP kids, and of course the UNACAS children. Must it be that only needy children are thankful?
I have learnt much on how a child's upbringing and home environment can shape his or her character. And the way the adult and institution treats the child will be reflected in all transparency in the kid's behavior.
This trip has taught me much. And I am glad that I have gone on this trip only now.
I guess children are really a reflection of what we treat them as. The kids at UNACAS were given independence and role models to follow. They were also taught skills and the beauty of God's grace. It is not surprising then, that we see independent children in that orphanage who have learnt to give and love each other, and all of whom have a wish to take on responsibilities as they come of age.
In contrast, particularly with the kids at the post-trip CIP, I saw sheltered children who are often given a negative reply for things they do, and good character entails passive submission and obedience to rules set by grown ups.
Rules are still necessary, and passive submission is still needed if they were to know what are the allowable boundaries, but it gets ridiculous when rules are just there for the sake of it. Case in point, why on earth must you cross your hands to show that you've got good posture?? Isn't that BAD BODY LANGUAGE??
Wonder if that woman knows what her spark of genius is teaching her students.
One girl came up to us and told us we shouldn't play a game because too many people were falling down. Her remark brought up flashes of how I was brought up.
My parents often said "No" and "No good" to the things I do. I often rejected other peoples' advice and suggestions in turn. I became a stickler to rules, and till this day I still find remnants of my overly conservative self in my thoughts and actions. But such negating teachings have repercussions beyond a monotonous way of doing things. I found myself to be a grumpy, angry and easily provoked person.
It was probably a mixture of everything, besides parental guidance. My parents weren't spending much time with us, and when they did, it was really to check our spelling grades and sign consent forms. My brother's everything was my responsibility, and the teachers in school weren't particularly encouraging our sense of adventure.
I guess changing from PLMGPS to Rosyth was also a big factor. I remember letting my character spiral into gloominess, failing miserably in both the social and academic expectations departments. My unwillingness to accept change was probably already ingrained in my character. Just that maybe in PLMGPS the environment was friendlier, and it held the bulk of my childhood school memories.
Through this trip, my eyes were opened by how some people always had the team in mind. I remember working on the fence near the playground at UNACAS, and there was about ten minutes of time where the equipment could only allow two or three of us to work. So the rest went to sit around the swings and the benches.
I skipped over to one of us sitting on the swing and offered to push her. She rejected. So I casually asked if she didn't like it. She said it wasn't that, but because we were still working on the fence.
And then I saw how buddies took care of each other by insisting on reporting if the other is sick, but trying to hide it if they themselves were unwell. The reason was only so that they weren't the ones resting while everyone else was working hard.
And of course I saw how the first aider was always willing to dress wounds for other people, and it really inspired me, because I, as the photographer, have found myself too lazy too many times to take out the camera.
It was heartening also for me to see how well the team looked out for me. Photography is a thankless job. People expect us to do it. But really, the offers to carry my equipment, the understanding given to let me scoot off with the camera, and the countless attempts to catch me on camera simply because I am the photographer and hence seldom in photos, have overwhelmed me with thankfulness that I'm in this team. Even if the photographer wasn't me, just knowing that the team is like this makes me feel so proud of us.
Taking on photographic duties again after two years have also re-taught me lessons. I have always told others that the best photographers are not the ones who are most skilful with their equipment. All equipment can be mastered, and everyone's perspectives will be different. But what makes one photographer stand out from another is his or her ability to speak.
This trip to Cambodia has taught me how to open my mouth again. It was good that we had the pre-trip CIP and the fundraising activities before the actual trip. At the very least, it helped me get accustomed to shoving cameras in people's faces again.
And I am really thankful that the children at the pre-trip CIP and in Cambodia are not camera-shy at all. Their willingness to pose and be taken helped bridge the communication barrier far more than what I can say for the camera-shy kids at the post-trip CIP. And to be honest, I find it extremely difficult to show the post-trip CIP kids the same amount of love I had for the pre-trip CIP kids, and of course the UNACAS children. Must it be that only needy children are thankful?
I have learnt much on how a child's upbringing and home environment can shape his or her character. And the way the adult and institution treats the child will be reflected in all transparency in the kid's behavior.
This trip has taught me much. And I am glad that I have gone on this trip only now.
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Let 25 people stay together
Father,
It was my prayer on our last Sunday in Cambodia that 25 of us would return together. That remains my prayer today.
Let all transgressions be forgotten. Let forgiveness flow in our hearts. Let Your hand be on the team and guide us to do what You have set us out to do.
Father it is my prayer that there will be a meeting once more with all 25 of us present, and joy and laughter only fill the air. I pray for all of us to be at peace and put You before ourselves at all times. I pray that each of us will fulfill our roles to Your contentment, and that the results will be visible to all men, believer or not.
I pray that those who have just begun to see the loveliness of Your grace continue to open their eyes and one day take the prayer that wil lbring them to salvation.
Father I pray that wherever and whenever the 25 of us meet on this earth, our final meeting place will be with the UNACAS kids and You in heaven.
Father Your will brought us together. I pray that Your Spirit will continue to keep us together.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
It was my prayer on our last Sunday in Cambodia that 25 of us would return together. That remains my prayer today.
Let all transgressions be forgotten. Let forgiveness flow in our hearts. Let Your hand be on the team and guide us to do what You have set us out to do.
Father it is my prayer that there will be a meeting once more with all 25 of us present, and joy and laughter only fill the air. I pray for all of us to be at peace and put You before ourselves at all times. I pray that each of us will fulfill our roles to Your contentment, and that the results will be visible to all men, believer or not.
I pray that those who have just begun to see the loveliness of Your grace continue to open their eyes and one day take the prayer that wil lbring them to salvation.
Father I pray that wherever and whenever the 25 of us meet on this earth, our final meeting place will be with the UNACAS kids and You in heaven.
Father Your will brought us together. I pray that Your Spirit will continue to keep us together.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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