My first pedicure experience!

Haha. A bit late.. This post was due like one and half weeks ago.. But finally managed to go for a pedicure with mum. Haha. And she spent $900++ on a year-long package which included a $196 treatment she had to soften the sole of her feet.

Feel quite bad actually.. Got her to go for the treatment cos of her "corn field", then got her to go for the package cos without it, that session alone for the two of us would cost her $288. Bleah. I love my mother, but I really can make her spend!

The very nice lady (her name is Shirley) who did my pedicure.

Haha. Reading my legal textbook while having the pedicure :)

Pumped by caffeine

Thank God for caffeine! Keeps a beached whale like me alive :)

Hello hello!

Hahaha. Wanted to say Hi in a South Afrikan language. But there are too many around that I don't know which to use..

Ok. Welcome one and all. This is my blog. Blogging is something quite common over here in Singapore, and we've got people earning a living from their blogs.

Like, for example,

www.xiaxue.blogspot.com and www.mrbrownshow.com

I use my blog as an outlet to shout out what I want to say, and sometimes to tell my friends stuff. It's kind of a way of keeping contact, especially when we're separated by 4 hours and 10000 miles.

My blog is not really representative of what Singaporeans' blogs are like. Other people have loads of links to their friends' blogs and photos of themselves. But I'm seriously not a cam whore (I hate cam whores actually), and the rare photos that you see of me up here are pretty much 90% of all the photos I have of myself.

But that's just me. Every other Singaporean is probably the opposite of me.

I'll try to upload stuff whenever I can, so that hopefully you can have a longer glimpse into the life of a not-so-average-but-quite-so-ordinary Singaporean, and hopefully we can help you in your project, and you help us in ours!

Back to school

Went out with the boys and Nuria yesterday to nj (then orchard). Haha. Purposely wore the dry-fit nj shirt back so that I won't get stopped for nothing. (I still look 16 at most)

My goodness. When I went in, nothing changed! Same parade square, same atrium, same facade, same road, same guardhouse, same containers, same staircase, same slope same everything!

HUGE wave of nostalgia. All that was missing was the people and noise from my time, and the feeling of wearing my soft full grey with my pony tail again. (Mine's passed down so I didn't have to wear gunny sacks to school in the first few months)

same old parade square

same old fountain garden

oh. this stairway is not so the same. They did some art work to it

same old art works on the wall

same old first floor of the arts block

One thing that I'm damn glad did not change though. Was the darkroom. My favourite place on earth. (Second only to home).

Haha papaya and watermelon. Shunning the camera as usual.

same old darkroom wall (with adjoining door to AR21)

same old back wall and curtains

same old chairs (now they use it to climb up and turn on the air-con)

same old darkroom table and sinks (I wouldn't have got this if they knew I was shooting)

same old (but highly unused) enlargers - alpha, beta, gamma (nicknames given by Jun Zhan)

same old level 2 of the arts block

and our dear trophy that we brought back! Standing tall and proud (and huge). Feel happy just knowing it's there.

Studio shoot photos

Oh. Here are the studio shoot photos I took with my mum..

Enjoy while you still have the chance.

Block S

Two of my block mates and I were talking (nonsense) after tutorial earlier today about how the C-shua shua and C seh seh cheer belong to Block C cos they start with the letter C. (Actually it's Si shua shua and Si seh seh). Then I was just babbling aloud about how it actually starts with S instead and should belong to Block S.

Hm.. Block S..

Shearites from Block A are called Acers, from Block B are called Beekers, C-Towners, DeeBlockers and Eekers.. What will Shearites from Block S be called??

.

.

.

.

.

.

S-HOLES!

Hahaha. And all those tua kang (means big hole, which means talk big/make empty promises/no-substance talk) people in hall can go to Block S! Those who are not so tua kang, just normal kang can be just normal S-holes. those who are super tua kang can be big S-holes!

Haha. Big hole wat. So big holes from Block S makes Big S-holes!

Ouch. Can you imagine the block head of Block S? He'll be an S-hole block head.. Worse. He'll be THE S-hole block head..

Haha. One of my block mates even said the S-holes can all live on their level 8. But there will be nothing under it. Haha. Cos they all tua kang. Talk about building castles in the air..

Hey Edward, Block B has only seven levels because of you le.. Want to consider Block S instead??

p.s. I realised S-hole starts with S-h.. But in no way do I mean Sheares Hall. Block S is merely a figment of my imagination. :)

Looking through the hole..

Hm.. Haha. Realised I haven't been posting happy things for quite a while.

Finally went to church again just yesterday, and Pastor said that the first place that the devil attacks is the mind. Come to think of it, all the unhappiness, the cares and concerns, the worries and moodiness.. The devil has shot lots of thoughts into my head alright. And I HAD fallen deeply into his trap.

NO MORE.

So sorry auntie, for making you worry all the way in Otago. Haha, and so sorry to all the rest who found this blog a bit repetitive.

Anywayz. Happy posts!

One week ago, just after SWOC I think. Can't remember which day.. Friday I think. 10 August 2007. I was shitting in the toilet, when my handphone rang. (It's coincidence. 99% of the time, I don't bring my phone into the toilet)

And I got this call from this Malay lady who was saying a lot of things but I couldn't hear cos I was concentrating on the other end of my body. But as all effective marketing people go, she managed to get her message across (amid plops and splashes. Hehe I couldn't resist.)

The thing was, I was sort of offered this complimentary photo shoot at this studio called Snapz image, complete with make up and hair styling. And I can bring my whole family along for this thing. And at the end of it all, I'll get two photos of my choice in a CD-ROM.

Hey, good idea. We don't really have a lot of 全家福s (a total of.. hm.. 2?) lying around. And even if we have to pay for it in the end, no harm.. right?

But my dad thought it was a scam, and my brother couldn't make it on the last minute so in the end, only me and my mother went. And so we did. Obviously after the whole shoot and everything they tried to sell us this and sell us that. Haha. That poor guy was trying not to tell us the price of the package even though we kept asking him. (It was $2588!)

But too bad for them, they bumped into the most stubborn customer of all time.. Me! And no matter what they said, or how they said it. I said no. Haha. Too bad. So I just chose two lor and Lesley (the name of the poor consultant who got us) burnt it into a CD and gave it to me.

But I forgot to bring it to hall! Darn. Else I'll definitely post the photos up.

After the shoot, we headed down to Aunty Pat's house. Wahahaha. Finally saw Uncle Terence after.. Hm.. 17 years? Hahaha. Cos I seriously don't remember seeing him at all. So it's gotta be reaaally long ago. And I got Timothy's msn! Hehe. Any flashing green lights out there who don't mind waiting for a red light to change colour?? Singapore sure is small. Turns out he knows who Cass is too. But apparently, she didn't tell her cell group mates she was going on Work and Travel and they were all wondering what happened to her.

And the best part of the day! We went to Kuishin Bo for my mum's belated birthday dinner. That restaurant is so popular la.. We tried to reserve seats but they were fully booked and we had to queue up 45 minutes to get in.

While waiting, one of the staff took out a plate of squids-on-stik and started offering it to those waiting in the queue. My mother was won over that very instant.

And it so happened that it is the fireworks festival season! While waiting for a cab back home, we managed to enjoy a one-eighth view of the fireworks show. Hahaha.

So pretty right!!

Life and its nuances

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I've got a bruise on my back next to my spine. And it's giving me troubles. I keep getting giddy spells as and when, and it's seriously getting irritating. Get down from the bus, giddy. Climb three steps, giddy. Look up in the sky, giddy. Sianz. Someone without no bruise near the spine whatsoever tell me this happens to you too.. Please!



*****************************************

It's funny how sometimes what you learn in life just keeps being proven wrong. Like how you went through a big trauma to learn a fact or many facts about life, the people around you and yourself, but only to be proven wrong at the end of it all.

A part of me wants to stick to what I know and refuse to change what I went through so much to learn and understand, yet a part of me wants to let go of this hard-gotten knowledge and just take the leap of faith.

I guess I went through a lot of arguing with myself before I am finally writing this.. A HUGE part of me just wanted to put up my old, stubborn answer, defences, attitude and all. Because those were the stuff that I learnt I must have to protect myself.

Yet another part of me wanted to ditch that irritating bit of me (haha. you (you know who you are) are not the only one who finds it appaling) and try to gain back that big part of my life I lost.

That night when my weaknesses were listed out one by one (actually it just boiled down to one, right?), I realised that I had reverted back to my old self. But it was a lot more than that. I just couldn't pinpoint it out when my heart was threatening to thump out of my chest.

It was not the first time people said that to me. And it was definitely not the first time they told me what to do. But something felt wrong when I heard it, and I felt that I had something to say that what you saw me was not how I was.

A resolution to be a better person has definitely been around. And it has been around for a freaking long time. All the advice on how to go about it, I've been working on it for 2 years, I think. I even wrote a poem on it la. In a book that is sort of my diary.

Maybe I watch myself only around people who are strangers, or people whom I really really care for. But either way, I find myself keeping my resolutions around only some people..

I guess I had really gotten used to not having that big part of my life, and I was already not enjoying your company like I used to. Probably it was a case of different frequencies, that when your doors are opened, my doors are closed, and when mine are opened, yours are closed. In the end, you feel that you're just giving on your part, when actually I was just having that feeling too.

I agree with you that it is my own mental barrier that I have to go through, but I cannot agree that I want you to live the way I want you to. I was badly hurt by you many times before, and now you still ask that I change and work for your trust and friendship. I ask that I won't be hurt again, that's all.. But you say that I am insisting you live the way I want you to, when I don't even dare feel that you are insisting I change just to suit you.

Haha. Probably you still don't know how much of a loser I am. But all I need is a sentence of "I won't hurt you again" and that would be all. I don't need actions, I don't need anything else. Even an empty promise will do. Haha. I am such a freaking loser.

But it would still be wonderful for you to mean it when you say it. At least I know that even if you do hurt me again, you never meant it.

Oh well. For things to come to such a state for you and me. I don't know what to say also. I guess I could only go back to how you knew me as I were right at the beginning and just give both of us a chance to let this work out one more time. I know I cannot work towards gaining your friendship and trust back, or even having the hope of a happy ending kinda thing cos I know I definitely cannot take it if it fails.

Maybe you can just give up a friendship just like that if it doesn't work out, but I guess that is something too precious for me to just let go. And I don't want to just hit the bottom level and do everything I can to make you happy. Which is what I am very prone to doing.

I have no doubts that everything might just work out in the end, but as you said, it is still a mental barrier I have to overcome.

So yup. Everything will go back to the beginning. And how it takes off from there, we'll just leave it to God. All the best for both of us.

p.s. Haha. I don't even know if you actually read my blog..

Just this one post and I'll move on

Told her I got ponded and got a mocking laugh from her. Sigh.

Played with her and she told me don't play already. But she'll play the very same game with another person. And she looked like she's having fun. Sigh.

She'll talk to others and tell them stuff. But say it's nothing when I ask. Sigh.

Will only talk to me and tell me stuff if I go find her first and talk to her, ask her and tell her stuff first. Sigh.

Will play and have fun with others. Will never do that with me. Now at least. Sigh.

Will go home with others. Forgot about me. I'm not the only one staying.. Sigh.

There was a point in time when I was happy she'll even speak to me. How loser could I be?

Forget it. Life is more than just this one friendship alone..

Short talk

oh my goodness these few days it's so freaking tired! I am so ready for a 24-hour nap now. I have just passed my fourth night of less-than-4-hours-sleep and I think I'm ready to die. Which I probably would if I don't get a 12-hour night in like really soon. Like tonight.

Whoa si seh seh alright. No continuation after that. Just super seh.

p.s. From now till you hear from me again, many things would have happened, but it might not be updated here. OR I have already died (from lack of sleep). But don't think too much. It's probably the first case happening.

Reminiscing (if I spelt it right)

I guess that when something is a big part of your life, and you care for it a lot, it'll take a lot more than usual to just let go. It's not just the whole thing, but bits and pieces of it even when you're immersed in it.

I'll just say that it's not something I'll just forget when it's over, and it's definitely a time when I look back and I'll just laugh to myself.

Don't forget me. Whether it's now or later. Haha cos I know I won't.

Coming soon...

I can't wait for it! Out of sight out of mind out of my life out of all the troubles!

moi Hong Kong trip

Yay! Finally took a plane after like 10 plus years? Haha. Shiok!

Flew all the way to the Pearl of the Orient.. Hong Kong!

With my dearest mother..!

Haha. No photos though. Didn't bring my phone or camera over. But it's really 买东西，吃东西，买东西，吃东西。。

And for 3 days and 2 nights, whew! Quite a packed trip alright..

And spent really quite a bit.. Haha.

But retail therapy aside, felt good that I went with my mother.. Finally told her what has been bothering me all this while, and suddenly brought her so much into my life on the last night we were there.

Haha. Both of us squeezed into one of the single beds on the last night and she ta-ta me to sleep like how she used to when I was a kid. That felt good.. I love you mum!

And just for that one night alone..

HONG KONG ROCKS!

my true friend test

Create your own Friend Test here

Haha. I wanted do a difficult test.. But I can't really think of much difficult questions.. So many are just giveaways.

I think I don't know myself that well either. Bleah.

Enjoy!

Pissed. Damn it!

Happy boys and happy girls.. you think?

Sian diao. So many things I want to say, but I just can't say it. Cos so many people know about this stupid *&%#! blog.

Who was the asshole who discovered it in the first place??

If only, if only.. How different my blog would be now if only..

Pssht..

Damn. I think I've got the PMS. I keep having the mean-world syndrome. Not that the whole world out that is mean and evil kinda of mean-world syndrome. But that kind of everyone hates me, no one likes me outlook.

Keep thinking I'm forgotten, I'm hated, I'm disliked, I'm off, I'm out of frequency, I'm a loner, I'm weird..... SHUT UP!

Shit.

GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY.

Dammit dammit. Sucks! Be happy man.. Come on come on!

Where did my boing boing go..?

Boing boing where??

Random random random

1. I can't believe it! I was so gullible to let my mother talk me into a tuition deal for $25 an hour, sec 4 A maths and she made it sound so good, and I thought it was good! Thanks a lot mum.
"I managed to get a high price for you."
"So expensive, of course you have to go to the house."

BULLSHIT!

It's not $30 an hour or FORGET IT!

I'll be an ass to go all the way to Simei (either from Clementi or Ang Mo Kio) for just $25 an hour and so many days a week.

2. My nose is bleeding again. My goodness, auntie, it was just like back in Anderson when I was drinking blood in my sleep. The next thing I know, I'll be growing fangs and shunning light. Again.

3. I think I rock. I think I did a damn superb job with Flubber during SECC. But being a councillor once is enough. Pulling off 24 hours of hyperactivity is no mean feat. Hats off to Charmaine. How could she tahan man..

4. Received an sms from Ernnie on 12 June. It's one year already! So amazing. And so many of the X-men are in the main comm, with me and Shaojie as councillors.

Happy belated one year anniversary X-men!!!

5. We found a PK2 in Flubber, although he is at a higher level than PK himself.

6. Everyone said I was meant for Flubber. Hm.. Boing boing for a seh name. Ha. I'll stick with Flubber.

7. Learnt lots of stuff as an SECC councillor for SWOC.. Such as, it's good to have 3 councillors for each group because one can be lost in time, one can be lost in space, and the last one can still be around to bounce on the spot. Boing boing.

So many codes here. I wonder other than me, how many others will understand what I'm saying.

Have I forgotten how to love?

Wow. Just had a cup of coffee with Linda. Now real high on caffeine. Haha. Might as well write something while I'm still high and er.. uninhibited.

It was quite a sudden revelation really, more like an insight, or it could be that the Lord or my angels spoke to me. Throughout the vacation so far, I've been so occupied and busy, doing one thing after the other, that suddenly, I've forgotten what it is like to love someone.

Not just passionate love, but love for my family, love for my friends.. I realised I've lost track of what it was like to love and show that love to these people. It could be that I was busy and pre-occupied with lots of stuff, but I'll think that those are only excuses to make myself feel better. Coginitive dissonace, ya' know.

The truth is, I am being loved and I've gotten so used to it that I've forgotten to show them how much I love them back as well. I won't say that I take them for granted. Ask me now, and I'll still say that I'm very grateful for the love they shower on me.

But the gratefulness was just kept within me and not expressed. I'd forgotten to..

Then I asked myself, why? Why did I forget? It's not like I love these people any less.. Reasoning and reasoning.. I sort of guessed that it was more like because I loved them because I should, and not because I would. It's more of like these are the things I should do and I did them, and less of coming truly from the heart.

Oh my. I must have hurt them so..

I guess that's what happens when dy/dx=0 (the curve levels off). I become non-expressive of my love for others, and indulge in only the happiness of my own. I become selfish, conceited, self-centred..

I don't know if this is the first time it has happened, but I am going to make sure it's the last time it happens.

Sunday. That's when everything will change. The moment I step out of church, I will be ready and all set to love the people who love me. I will not forget how much they mean to me and I will not forget to let them them know. I will not take things for granted and do things only because I should.

Father, that is the expectation I carry to church this Sunday, and I will leave the church with this expectation fulfilled. With your blessings, Father, with your blessings.

Applications OPEN!

That's it! I've had it with singlehood! I want a man and I want him right now!

Please apply if you are:

Male
Single (and confirm no other girl is madly in love with you. Love triangles are awfully tiring)
Within the range of 1.70 to 1.77 metres tall
Handsome, or at least pleasing to MY eye
Preferably with a car or loads of money to fetch me around in cabs.

It's not difficult to be my boyfriend really. You only need to:

Love me like a goddess.
Be decisive when the time comes and not be overly eager to please me.
Be independent, and not overly possessive. I'm ok with small bouts of jealousy.
I love surprises! So if you can come up with small, little surprises with little things you've made, it's more than enough to make my dayS.
And be able to cook! Last night my dad was not convinced that I could find a husband who will do the cooking for me. You better prove him wrong.
And accept the fact that I might be able to spend a lot of time with you when term starts,
and that I may get 8 months pregnant periodically
and also that the baby is called Leow Jia'en, because your surname might not go well with the name
and also that if you're my boyfriend, you'll naturally be the kid's dad even though we haven't had sex
and also that the kid will either be a boy or girl depending on my mood

Eh.. No more facts for now. It's not many anyway. Hahaha.

I declare all applications OPEN!!

Email me if you're interested. *BIG SMILE