Have I forgotten how to love?

Wow. Just had a cup of coffee with Linda. Now real high on caffeine. Haha. Might as well write something while I'm still high and er.. uninhibited.

It was quite a sudden revelation really, more like an insight, or it could be that the Lord or my angels spoke to me. Throughout the vacation so far, I've been so occupied and busy, doing one thing after the other, that suddenly, I've forgotten what it is like to love someone.

Not just passionate love, but love for my family, love for my friends.. I realised I've lost track of what it was like to love and show that love to these people. It could be that I was busy and pre-occupied with lots of stuff, but I'll think that those are only excuses to make myself feel better. Coginitive dissonace, ya' know.

The truth is, I am being loved and I've gotten so used to it that I've forgotten to show them how much I love them back as well. I won't say that I take them for granted. Ask me now, and I'll still say that I'm very grateful for the love they shower on me.

But the gratefulness was just kept within me and not expressed. I'd forgotten to..

Then I asked myself, why? Why did I forget? It's not like I love these people any less.. Reasoning and reasoning.. I sort of guessed that it was more like because I loved them because I should, and not because I would. It's more of like these are the things I should do and I did them, and less of coming truly from the heart.

Oh my. I must have hurt them so..

I guess that's what happens when dy/dx=0 (the curve levels off). I become non-expressive of my love for others, and indulge in only the happiness of my own. I become selfish, conceited, self-centred..

I don't know if this is the first time it has happened, but I am going to make sure it's the last time it happens.

Sunday. That's when everything will change. The moment I step out of church, I will be ready and all set to love the people who love me. I will not forget how much they mean to me and I will not forget to let them them know. I will not take things for granted and do things only because I should.

Father, that is the expectation I carry to church this Sunday, and I will leave the church with this expectation fulfilled. With your blessings, Father, with your blessings.