Shanghai Bund continues

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So funny. Whenever something big about me happens, no one dares to ask me about it. Ne'er mind. I'm enjoying it anyway.

I'm a multi-fac woman! I teach engine students math, quantum physics and relativity, help business students with their business modules and arts students with their arts modules!

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Left alone in the flat, the girl lies on her bed with the note in her hand. With a huge sigh, she crumbles up the note and sits up on the bed. The wounds from the previous day felt raw and her head began to spun.

She soon realised she was beginning to run dangerously low on blood sugar, and decided to drop downstairs (hopefully not by gravity) to get some food. Cooking was out of the question in the current state. And she never liked to crack eggs anyway.

Stumbling down the staircase proved easy enough, and the girl soon found herself out in the glaring sun. The bustle of street noise, the pungent smells emitting from the drains, the sun in her eyes, the bustle of street noise..


When her eyes finally flickered open, a strong smell of iodide gushed through her lungs. Clean sheets, white gown, a blanket and two dozen other women lying around her.

The first thoughts she had: "Oh shit. I am in the hospital."

Her second to some number impossible to count:

"Now I just need the police to come round and demand the reason I was nicely knocked out on the streets, and ask my identity and I'll have to tell them I'm a triad leader owning the three streets that sell smelly toufu and they'll ask who did it to me before whisking me off to the police station and someone will have to come and point a gun at the guard to get me out only to see the other two chiefs pointing their guns at my head for bao-tohing them."

"Whoa sian."

"What's so sian about life that made you say that?"

The girl spun around to see the man of the gentle voice only to feel her brain slowly rotate with great inertia thereafter. She still wasn't used to quick movements yet.

What she finally registered was a fine, handsome young man in a doctor's robe and a stethoscope stylishly slung over his neck.

"Boy am I glad he's not a gynae."

...

p.s. Story continues when I get more inspiration. Heh. Wanted to make it dramatic like the previous entry, but just couldn't resist being me. Ha!

Old Shanghai Bund

Back in old Shanghai, where the triads ruled, and the police had little power, there was a group of girls who controlled a territory. Each of them, a small little area. And they all lived together in a flat.

For one of the friends, she took her old, rusty gun to meet two triad chiefs she supposedly had good relations with for a negotiation. There wasn't much talking before the first shot was fired. It was from one of the chiefs. She got hurt. As the gunfight ensued, she tried her best to defend herself as the chiefs rained bullets on her.

Badly wounded and bleeding profusely, she stumbled and fell as she made her way back. She was finally in the safety of their flat, barely conscious and still bleeding.

Her friend took one look at her and said, "Har.. So much blood.. Aiya, forget it la." And she left the room, leaving the girl to die.

Thoughts just filled her mind. At the brink of death, her friend whom she had gone to fight for had left her to die after learning that the fight was not successful. She felt angry. And she prayed. Her anger turned to upset. Then the girl finally realised that it was she herself who was naive. She should have known better.

The next morning, she found a note on her door from her friend.

It read:

Sorry I couldn't talk to you face to face. I wanted to, but I'll miss my train back home. Sorry I left you to die last night. It might sound like I'm giving myself excuses but there wasn't enough cotton wool and bandages and medicine. And our medical equipment back home aren't good enough. I don't want this to ruin our friendship. The territorial dispute is such a small thing anyway. I care for our friendship. That's all I have to say. Take care and get well soon!

The girl could not help but laugh after reading the note. "I care for our friendship." That sure was funny.

Writing in her diary a few days later, she wondered what reactions her friend would have if she read the diary. "Aiya, what you want me to do??", "Haiya. Don't know la!". She smiled again at how typical those reactions were of her friend.

As she recounted the whole story, she ended the entry with the line.

"I should have known better."

Haiz. I should have known better la. So amazed at how stupid I can be. Hahaha. 自讨苦吃. The mistake is all mine.

Must I go through this every reading week just to maintain my cap?

I sure hope not..

I WANT MY MCNUGGETS!

How hard is it for a pregnant woman to settle her craving?? DAMN HARD!

I had a HUGE craving for McNuggets during my PL2131 lecture yesterday. I wanted to eat nuggets and I wanted it right THEN.

But I thought it could be because I was hungry and my mouth had no taste so that's why I wanted something to chew on.

Never mind. After lecture, I got a lift from Charlene back to hall and went straight for dinner after changing. Stomach filled, went back to my room, and thought my craving was gone.

But NO, it stuck around, and intensified when Tan Ming Hui

Tan Ming Hui

asked me if I wanted to have supper. OF COURSE I WANT LA!! And I wanted McNuggets!! But NO, she didn't want to walk all the way to west coast with the huge buanged leg. And SO, we went to Uncle Vincent's to get her dinner.

Later Joy came up with a brilliant idea of asking the people in the lounge who were having supper if they wanted to have McDonald's. And what were they having for supper?? WHOLE CHICKEN! Of course they don't want McDonald's la!! Very brilliant idea..

I even messaged the SWOC, papaya, watermelon and Nuria. Hua wu que was the best. "I'm going to sleep already, it's either Uncle Vincent's or nothing."

!!!

Can you just indulge the pregnant woman for once????!!!!

And so, at 1 am in the morning, I SUPER buay tahan already.

I MUST HAVE MY MCNUGGETS NOW!!

And I set out for West Coast on my own. But no back bone.. I walked out about 20m past the bus stop, I made a U-turn and trudged back. The entire street was deserted, littered only with taxis who were irritatingly slowing down when they drove near me.

And it was quite lucky that I made a U-turn, cos on my way back.. There was a police car. The policemen inside did slow down and look at me.. I just quickly scurried back.

SO I STILL HAVEN'T GOT MY MCNUGGETS!!

Bleah.

Even Aunty also don't let me have my McNuggets..

The BIG 2!!

Bleah. I'm not bothering to blog within 3 minutes so that the entry will show 6 April 2007. Haha. TWO MINUTES left!! Never mind. 7 April also can.

This is one of the most special birthdays I've ever had. Last night, my dad was like telling my mother "my friend is coming later". But they did not come. Until midnight, they still didn't show up. All the while, I was sitting in my room in front of my darling laptop doing work.

And THEN, suddenly "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.." I turned around, and to my surprise, SWOC WALKED THROUGH MY ROOM DOOR! except for Britney, cos he couldn't make it (duh).

I was so shocked la. I totally forgot to clap for my song until the last line. Hahaha.

I really didn't even dream that they'll come right into my house so that they can celebrate my birthday for me ON my birthday.. I thought they would celebrate it on Monday, when we have meeting la. I was just about to tell Ming Hui that I don't want to sing birthday song in the JCRC room.

And they gave me a total of THREE BIG presents!

1. The HUGE surprise when they walked right into my room at 12

midnight.

2. The $50 M1 gift voucher for my Nokia N73 Music Edition (fund).

3. And they helped my family take a 全家福 after... 15 years!

SWOC 07/08 rocks!

[pictures will be uploaded once I receive them]

SWOC 07/08!

And we went for a Korean dinner just now!! SUUUUUPER NICE! And the service was daaaamn good la. Very sensitive to what you need, very alert, and very professional!

We didn't order much. At least for me and my brother, cos I wasn't paying attention to what my mother was ordering. We ordered one Bibimbap, since it was so highly recommended, one bulgogi, and one pork belly (both for the bbq), mushrooms as a side for the bbq as well, then my mother added in a Korean pancake, but we didn't finish that one cos it was too big and we were too full, one seafood soup, and one Saba fish. Haha. Now suddenly it sounds like a lot.

BUT we totally didn't expect it when the waiter came with a GIGANTIC tray and filled our table with plates. TOTALLY no place for anything else. Haha. Reminded me of what I always said about Korean food. Out of 10 dishes, 8 dishes are the kimchi-like food. Those were just the dishes we didn't order.

Dessert comes unordered too! (There was a cinnamon ginseng drink as well)

Can you see the juice from the mushroom??

Now it suddenly dawned on me why their menu is so small..

Oh. And the towels! They came like that..

I thought they were mints. And I was just about to pop them into my mouth when my dad asked the waitress what those were. And she said.. "Towels."

!!!!

TOWELS?? I was just about to eat them man!

And then she added, "Just add water."

And so we did. SUUUUPER amazing la. The whole thing just expanded before our eyes.. We were so intrigued, we nearly stole our neighbour's towels.. Until my dad asked the waiter if he could give us two more..

Hahaha. Science experiement at home!

So cool right????!!!!

Why arh?

I don't understand some people.. Why must they always complain about all things possible? Why must they insist on not being happy? What's wrong with things now?

Project mates are lousy. Some people can't even find a group.. It was hell week for you. What about other people? Why do you complain? Those other people aren't. Actually.. It's not that you can't complain. But why don't you want to take it positively after speaking it out?

Slept at 6 in the morning. For one night. What about those who cannot sleep more than 4 hours no matter how they would like to? Too many hall activities, no time for school work. Unless you're Karen (Ang) arh, I think no one should ever complain about that.

Not enough money. What about those who can't go to school cos they have no money? Not feeling well. What about those who are never 100% healthy anyway? Angry with your friends. What about those with no friends?

It's never a full stop after "I've got a lot of things to do." It's always "I've got a lot of things to do, but I will pull it through."

What is wrong with things now? Life is about happiness and love. Why do you want to push it away? Is it because you like being angry? Why do you like being angry? And when you complain, are you asking others to be angry with you? Why do you want others to be angry with you? What is wrong with things now?

There is nothing wrong with having all these feelings. But must you really complain? Must you always complain when you speak? I complain too.. But after I complain that's it. I'll go back, and whatever I complained about, I still enjoy it in the end.

"So busy with SWOC!!" But hey, I'm still in love with SWOC. "Got block comm meeting later.. So tired.." But I stil maintain that Block C block comm is the best around. It's still not a sai kang comm. And it won't be. "Have to edit my photos.. Cannot sleep.. :(" But when it's done, it's done. I don't talk about how late I slept cos I had to edit my photos. Unless someone asked what I was doing so late last night sorta thing.

Life is more than you and your problems. Why don't you want to look positively at what you have with you?

I know people who have absolutely no free time. I did two little photoshopped projects for SWOC, and I dare say that I did it in my free (lazing around/procrastinating) time. The moment I said that, immediately I got the reply that "at least you have free time.." And there are people who can legitimately say that. But they don't complain incessantly.

God gives us fears and worries so that we will grow and learn the value of peace and joy. Why don't people want to see the silver lining, but insist of being occupied with the dark clouds only? What is wrong with things now?

Eh? No problem. Just telling you that when you read my blog, look but not see. Once you click away from my blog, forget everything you've read.

So don't need to discuss what you've read on my blog outside the blog yeah. I've got a tagboard for you. Just type type type and press enter.

Then forget about it after you click away!

Ok, Ben Kee??

See you in hall too!

Please read the warning sign ya?

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What the fuck! CRAMPS!!

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This is a GENTLE reminder to all my blog readers out there. Don't need to hide. You're so obviously there.

WHAT'S SAID ON MY BLOG STAYS ON MY BLOG.

You hear me??

E-llo, Ben Kee, I'm talking to you. :)

No thank you

Ming Hui sent me a message earlier in the morning. She asked me to ask Joyce to bring her clothes to hall, to just say that we are considering whether or not to go to dnd.

I found that the hardest message to send so far.

Today I withdrew $50. (When I told Ming Hui, her first reaction was "Then go for DND la." Silly. That's not my point.) $20 went for transport, $13.80 went for the lunch at NYDC with SWOC for Haojie's birthday.

I had arleady pretty much decided to not go for DND already. But still, before receiving that message, I was still ready for last minute changes.

When that message came, I felt a total mix of sadness, envy (I don't know), disheartened, down. They had clothes at home to go for DND.

They only have to pay $50 for DND..

They can just bring their clothes to hall.

I can't.

In sec 4, prom was a compuslsory thing. My mother was so excited for me. She spent $200++ on my gown, my shoes, and even handbag. I never wore them out again. I feel it such a waste for her.. And she never got back that $200++ from my dad.

I hated taking photos them. I went there, and came back without a single photo taken. They had a disco floor which I hated, and I really didn't enjoy myself. That was the worst $200++ I've ever spent.

But that's in the past. Now it's DND.

I know, am I am very clear that I only need to open my door now and say "Let's go for DND!" And a whole handful of my level girls will go immediately. But that will be the only purpose of me going.

I don't have clothes for DND.

I can't just bring it from home.

And I won't have fun there.

I'm so sorry Ming Hui.. That message from you really just totally took away my interest in going. Nothing to be shocked about.

I know that if I want to go, my mother will gladly give me the money to. But she'll never get it back. My dad won't give her. Then what will she have left for herself?

Joy exclaimed "What kind of family is this?!" when she heard that my mother cannot talk to my dad to increase my pocket money. Joy, I am offended. Please take it back. There are too many things you don't know to make that remark.

JC prom we had a choice. IT didn't take me three seconds to decide not to go.

Don't ask anymore.

Haha..

Sometimes, I am really amazed at how some people can repeatedly disappoint me again and again just because they "don't want to".

I suddenly feel stupid for giving so much. And angry for what they did. Then I wonder if it was because I didn't do enough.

I am just severely disappointed..

I am FREAKING bored!

Bleah. VERY bored.. Friday night stuck in hall FOR ERC! Minghui, family day you better 自动 a bit k.. Too tired to study, to awake to sleep. Hrmph. I'm so bored.. I even started taking photos of myself! ME taking photos of myself!!

I wonder how many people from Anderson and NJ will willingly pay money to get hold of these photos..

And I realise I can see Yuan Bin's window from my room!

Ta-dah!!

I want to eat Cold Cut Trio!

But I only have 25 cents in my wallet.. Sponsors.. Anyone?

YES I CAN!

I will not let her negativity affect me.
I will not let his negativity affect me.
I will not let their pessimism affect me.
No one's pessimism can.

I will be positive.
I will spread my positivity around me.
I will achieve my dreams.
I will exceed my goals.
I will do more than what the best of my ability can.
I will excel in everything I do.
I will do all these and more.
YES I CAN!

oh.

I went with Lihao to church today. And I finally figured out why he's attitude is so bad at home, even though he attends church twice a week.

And my mummy bought me a bag! Two actually. One last week, when she passed by a shop and saw that it was on sale, then bought one for her, my brother and me! Hehe..

Then I asked her if can put laptop or not, she say that bag (above) not for putting heavy things one. I want to put laptop can, but must support the base. Then I was like "Orh."

I did pretty much think that that was the end of it.. Then she started asking me if I liked the bag, if I liked Lihao's kind of bag, that they sold that sort of bag in other colours in the shop etc etc. THEN I started getting her drift.

Haha. Today after service, I met her at Novena Square to look at the bag she was talking about. And we got this one!

I don't deny that I did want that bag. It's nice, it's stylish, it's pretty, and I can think of a lot of uses for it. My mother liked the other one, and kept telling me, "What ok? It's nice!" Haha. Ok. Yes mum, it's nice.

But wanting it was one thing, spending another seventy bucks for a bag was another thing. I did hesitate like "Really arh? Seventy dollars leh.." With pastor Prince's message about gifts, a person's value, and not deserving it at the back of my mind. (Pastor Prince's message is that we are undeserving, that's why what God gives us is a gift. There's no such thing as "Aiyo.. don't waste money on whoever la.." Because nobody's value can be determined by MONEY.)

But my wonderful mother (and she really did that) thought of an excuse to buy the bag for me, "Ah, I can buy for you for.. Chinese New Year!" I reminded her of the ang bao she gave us already, she didn't give previously. She said "That one different. That one is 压岁钱. This one is a present."

Hahaha. I love my mum. Because she has given me a gift. And not because I'm undeserving. But because I am her daughter. And she loves me so.

p.s. Come to think of it, I'll still love her whether or not she bought me those two bags. She's my mother wat. Heh. I LOVE YOU MUMMY!!

A level results today!

NJPS presidents rock! Honestly.. How do you get three presidents in a row with at least 6 distinctions for A levels??

Liu Lei (the president before me), 7 distinctions
Me, 6 distinctions

Shermin (my protege), 7 distinctions, top arts student

Oh darn. I suddenly look one distinction short. BUT NEVER MIND. I'm still proud of my results! I'm proud that I belong to such a talented line of leaders.

Whoa haha. NJPS presidents now need qualifying criteria. At least 6 distinctions to qualify. Too bad we'll only know after they step down..

from dust to dust..

Today was the last day of the funeral. Lao ma was to be cremated at Mandai. Until today, I did not dare look at her body. But when 大姨姨 pulled me to the coffin and told me “去看lao ma 最后一面”, I just went along.

Standing next to her, looking down at her peaceful face, I just started crying. 大姨姨 stood behind us and said to lao ma in teochew “阿丽霞立豪来看你了。他们两个长大了。阿丽霞读大学了，立豪读高中了。阿嘛，你不用担心他们。你可以放心走。”

And a whole bunch of her great-grandchildren, 大姨姨 and 小姨姨 just stood around the coffin. The younger ones just stood there cos everyone else was. The older ones stood there, and mourned the loss of a very dearly loved one.

Lao gu could not even watch the coffin being covered. After looking at his mother for a good while, he went to the playground nearby and just squatted there crying. A grown man with grandchildren well into secondary school, crying so hard for the loss of his aged mother..

Lao ma has lost a lot of weight. Her thin frame lying in the coffin is a testimony of how age had taken its toll on her during this last few years. She could no longer count, she couldn't walk, and she didn't recognise people.

But everyone of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren never abandoned her. During Chinese New Year, when they visit, they'll walk right up to her and speak loudly in her ear, "Ah ma, xiao mei lai liao." or "Ah ma, wo si ah liang, wo lai toi li." And she'll give a little smile or an acknowledging nod, maybe reply a phrase or two.

Throughout the service at the crematorium, there were controlled sobs, sniffles and gasps. But when the service ended, and we proceeded to place a chrysanthemum and the pieces of cloths that we pinned on our right sleeve, 小姨姨 and 四姨姨 broke down again, and stood at the coffin, refusing to give up that one last look.

Then 大姨姨 broke down too, and the whole family gathered around lao ma, hanging on that one last look for as long as possible.

When the coffin was moved out of the service hall, we were brought to the viewing hall. Where lao ma's coffin was wheeled across the room below to be cremated. When the coffin went by, the full realization of losing my great grandmother hit me full blast. That I could no longer see her again, that her physical form would be reduced to dust.

That she will no longer sit around in the living room. That I will no longer be able to call lao ma for her to hear. That she has truly left us to be with God for good.

It was the worst experience ever in the viewing gallery. 四姨姨 was calling "ah ma!" repeatedly after her. "Ah ma! Kia hor!" 大姨姨 shouted to her that we all loved her forever. 三姨姨 lost control as the coffin was about to enter the next chamber, and shouted "ah ma!" after her. My mother was managing her sobs and just kept telling lao ma "ah ma, 珍重! ah ma, 珍重!"

I couldn't even speak. The tears kept flowing, the gasps unmanageable, the watery mucus uncontrollable.. Lao ma was really leaving us for good..

When we were ushered out of the viewing gallery to the waiting area, 四姨姨 and 小姨姨 and lao gu held on to lao ma's portrait and kept crying.

Later on, my mother made a statement I could only agree with. "Which grandmother has all her grandchildren loving her so much?"

Lao ma, (in teochew) 阿丽霞的潮州不好。不会什么讲。。今天你走了，但是我们一直会想你。你每次叫丽霞要好好读书，我会听你的。我会读书读好好。我也会看住立豪，好好教他做一个有出息的人。lao ma 以前很疼立豪，现在立豪长大了一定会做好人来的。。Lao ma 你真的安心去吧。从上面看着我们，等有一天我们一定上去陪你团聚。到那时候，阿丽霞一直都在想你。。

Last night, my great grandmother left us to be with God. She went peacefully in her sleep. No pain, no anguish.

When I received the message from my mother last night, I was quite taken aback. But I did not really come to grasp with the fact of losing a relative.

Earlier tonight, I went for the wake. I did not look at her. And my memory of her (obviously) won't fade because of that. How my lao ma looks, I will never forget.

I remember when I was young, I was taken care of by my lao kim. My mother called her ah kim. Haha. But I was too young at that time and did not know how to pronounce. And I ended up calling her ah mm. Lao ma wasn't a problem though.

I remember that ah mm will be my translator, and help me translate chinese words to teochew so that I could tell my lao ma. Or just tell her directly what I was trying to say. Haha. Very possibly, back then, my teochew was ten times stronger than it is now.

Lao ma is one hell of a strong woman. She was still doing housework at the age of eighty-five, eighty-six? Many times a day, she'll go down to the void deck, take a walk, chat with the other people there.

Then she suffered a stroke, and age seriously caught up on her. She became wheelchair-bound, didn't recognise people, couldn't count and was really frail.

There was once I remembered, though, warded in Alexandra Hospital after a fall, she started asking for me, and thought that one of her grandsons was my brother. When we went to visit her, however, she couldn't recognise us. Possibly cos she hadn't seen us for too long. We've grown too much to be the Lixia and Lihao she used to watch over.

Looking at the red eyes of my aunts and mother, I couldn't help but feel the urge to cry as well.

可是，要哭却哭不出。 要笑也不敢大笑。。

Everyone was trying to uplift the mood, and not show their grief, yet unwittingly being betrayed by their eyes..

She was a much larger part of their lives than mine, far more amazing to them than me. She was the one who brought them to the market, leading them across those huge drains that lay over the canals, did what she should, and guided them into becoming the people they are today.

An amazing woman that left us. She left with a peace that could only be because God called her to His side.

I just pray that God would grant peace too to the people she has left behind. To the people who love her so.

Chinese New Year 2007!

It's the year of the pig! Oink oink. Haha. Damn shiok. This year ang baos bumper harvest. That means.. I can get by without giving tuition! And just rely on two meals a day. Mwahahaha!!

祝大家猪年一帆风顺，事事顺利！

And better still, it more than made up for the excess money I spent on New Year clothes. I totally have no idea how I bought so many clothes this year, considering previous years finding ONE was a challenge itself already..

Pretty or not?

Shopping for clothes with my brother is fun. He'll choose clothes that I like, and decision to buy or leave is made within 3 seconds. Ha!

My brother kept asking me to wear that pink top since 除夕, which I finally did on the second day, cos he said it was a killer. Haha. Should have posed with a dao face instead hor?

We went to Bottle Tree Village on 除夕for reunion dinner. Oh. Haha. Realised I just forgot to take photos of the Bottle Tree in front. (I keep having the tendency to spell it as Bottled Tree)

And I got bitten by a spider! Darn.

Look how big the bite was!

I came to realise something.. As we grow older, the fun things to do get lesser. We used to be able to play anything and everything when we were kids. Now, we get SO TOTALLY bored, we are actually excited by Newton's Cradle!

Bored cousins playing with a man's cradle..

Oh. And we had five minutes of fun with Bridge before the adults came by and took over the table.

Hahaha. There was such a severe lack of entertainment that on the night of the second day, two of the families even bought chess sets to pass the time! It's like we have to make sure entertainment will be there instead of letting entertainment come when it should, which used to be the case when we were kids.

And we went to Uncle Matthew's on the third day! He proudly announced that it shall be a tradition we all go to his house on the third day, until someone remarked that it is only provided every 初三 is a public holiday.

Grace has really pretty dimples.. I want dimples too! She somehow reminds me of Mei Ting. I don't know why. But I think she is prettier and funnier to watch when she thought she got her way but didn't. (Those boo-boo moments if you get me)

A prayer for him

Argh. Tong Hai is sick.. Bleah.

Dear Lord,

As I close my eyes in prayer tonight, I ask for nothing but the well-being of Tong Hai. I pray that no bad will happen. That his fever will stop only at a fever. That no complications will arise. That You will watch over him, and lay Your protective hand over him.

Father, as he rests his body in this two days, I pray that he will be able to recover fully, and when he steps into the office again, he will be rejuvenated, and in the pinkest of health.

Father, I pray that nothing will happen to him.

Amen.


I wonder (for the upteeth time) about the possibilities of me and him getting together..

Festive season

Valentine's Day is coming. Haiz.

So is Chinese New Year. Yay.

Simply because I am me

You know how it is when there are things that people want you to do no matter what.. Like partly cos they need to get things done, and partly cos it's you. Sometimes, it sucks.

Boing boing p-phhhhhhtt.

What it takes to be me.