I distinctively remember when I was a kid, and I was trying to tell my dad that something smelt nice, all I could muster out of my limited vocabulary was "nice smell". But if I were to say it stunk, I had a lot of words for it. Smelly, yucky, gross. And they came to mind fast enough. Dad later taught me the opposite of smelly was fragrant. In my young mind, I thought "What a difficult word that was!"
And then I realised that opposite of good is bad, and the opposite of naughty is... hm. good? Come primary five, my teacher taught us the word amiable. I had absolutely no idea what it meant, but she said it meant something good. And then there were more words like amicable, affable, benign, cordial that popped up sometime in my life or other, all of which, essentially meant nice. Kind, as well.
However, the opposites of kind and nice were already etched earlier in my mind. Really because, these words were shorter, catchier and simply easier to remember; mean, stingy, evil, selfish, ugly, hehe.. bad!
And truth be told, saying "I don't like you" was always easier than "I like you". You get to add more expression for the former too.
Therefore, after 23 years of speaking English, I give the grand conclusion that *pause* the English language *pause* prefers *pause* the lousier side of man *ta-dah!*.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
2 minutes in my wondrous mind
Do I need to check on my smurfs?
Oh, no need. Tomatoes take 8 hours.
8 hours is such a long time, no wonder people complain of working long hours.
Can I not work? Can I be in the business of buying?
I'll have to wear heels to look professional.
Unless I go to the beach.
If someone sees me in flats at the beach, that person will comment that I'm not wearing heels.
I'll reply that I'm not forever in heels.
Like that lady in the show. When people hear the sound of her heels, they all quiver with fear.
And there's her love interest, the policeman.
Who has a bad boss, who turned good in the end.
It's such an amazing show isn't it? We all hated him when he was bad, but pitied him when he turned good.
He died trying to assassinate the Japanese colonel.
Because the Japanese killed his wife and unborn child.
That's how iron fisted (?) governments act when they are threatened by attacking forces right? They kill off all prisoners hastily.
Like how the Khmer Rouge did it at Tuol Sleng when the Vietnamese attacked Cambodia; they hastily killed 9 VIP prisoners by cutting their throats.
War. Japanese Occupation. Singapore.
Our war hero, Lim Bo Seng.
Oh, did you know my mother's boss is Lim Bo Seng's nephew?
Oh, no need. Tomatoes take 8 hours.
8 hours is such a long time, no wonder people complain of working long hours.
Can I not work? Can I be in the business of buying?
I'll have to wear heels to look professional.
Unless I go to the beach.
If someone sees me in flats at the beach, that person will comment that I'm not wearing heels.
I'll reply that I'm not forever in heels.
Like that lady in the show. When people hear the sound of her heels, they all quiver with fear.
And there's her love interest, the policeman.
Who has a bad boss, who turned good in the end.
It's such an amazing show isn't it? We all hated him when he was bad, but pitied him when he turned good.
He died trying to assassinate the Japanese colonel.
Because the Japanese killed his wife and unborn child.
That's how iron fisted (?) governments act when they are threatened by attacking forces right? They kill off all prisoners hastily.
Like how the Khmer Rouge did it at Tuol Sleng when the Vietnamese attacked Cambodia; they hastily killed 9 VIP prisoners by cutting their throats.
War. Japanese Occupation. Singapore.
Our war hero, Lim Bo Seng.
Oh, did you know my mother's boss is Lim Bo Seng's nephew?
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Why Cambodia would want to remain poor
This time back to Cambodia, I saw a lot more. Maybe because I could, maybe because I bothered to. As we were travelling down a wide road back to the hotel, he told us that the road was given by the Americans, but the Cambodian government built a toll station across it and used it to collect money. And then later on, he showed us a police officer letting a person go after collecting a small administration fee. Earlier in the day we rode pass the prime minister's house. What a magnificent house it was! Two huge houses side by side, with a one-story high chandelier in plain sight. The kind that even a house owner on Bukit Timah would clamour to have.
Doesn't it make sense now that Cambodia would want to remain poor?
As long as they suppress the progress of their country, foreign aid would keep pouring in. As long as they remain a third-world country, the country's infrastructure would be built by international coffers. In other words, as long as Cambodia remains poor, the country would continue to be developed by other countries, while the government gets to fill their pockets from taxes the development projects provide, and they get to protect their own reserves for their own luxuries! That's killing an entire flock of birds with 1 stone. Amazing, isn't it?
This corrupted government must be removed.
Doesn't it make sense now that Cambodia would want to remain poor?
As long as they suppress the progress of their country, foreign aid would keep pouring in. As long as they remain a third-world country, the country's infrastructure would be built by international coffers. In other words, as long as Cambodia remains poor, the country would continue to be developed by other countries, while the government gets to fill their pockets from taxes the development projects provide, and they get to protect their own reserves for their own luxuries! That's killing an entire flock of birds with 1 stone. Amazing, isn't it?
This corrupted government must be removed.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Speak Good England
The Speak Good English campaign should first work on getting their Singlish right. Their negative examples demonstrate their poor Singlish over their superior English. It is a joke conjured in a meeting room, declared in posters, and spoken by no one.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I see and I remember
December has been a tumultous month, pretty much because of Eggy and that it began smack in the middle of the month. I saw a lot of things, and I remember a lot of stuff. And so, this post is titled "I see and I remember".
I saw Mum's behaving her usual when with Dad's side of the family.
I saw Aunty Doreen and Uncle Roger handling the finances as usual.
I saw everyone's eyes light up when I introduced Alvin as my boyfriend.
I saw the brothers brave the stress that were heavy upon them.
I saw the New Zealand High Commissioner attending and contributing, and making a speech to my cousin he has never met.
I saw a message written by a Little Gal. A-ha, Eggy is a naughty boy.
I saw Eggy make headlines on all the newspapers left right centre.
I saw A-gou holding back her tears everytime someone gives her a hug.
I saw Yongzheng giving me a blank look as he identified me as his niece.
I saw Yongwen making it the best for Eggy as he fights off the demands from everyone possible.
and I remember.
I remember playing hide and seek in Mama's house.
I remember finding Eggy in the toilet.
I remember Eggy telling me he was top in English and a class monitor.
I remember that magician that A-gou got to perform at Eggy's birthday.
I remember feeling confused when Eggy's classmates called him by his real name.
I remember the Eggy's and Li Yao's joint birthday party at MacDonald's.
I remember how Eggy and Li Yao were close like brothers.
I remember thinking I had to win Eggy because I was the best in the family.
I remember Eggy was the only of the four brothers who played hide and seek with us.
I remember his animated story of how he tried to kill a frog in the forests of Brunei.
I remember him trying to squash a bug then being stopped by his mother. "Eggy, don't do that. Smelly."
I remember him saying that "Even at the age of 21, my mother must control me."
I remember him coming over to play poker on the second day of CNY.
I remember how A-gou wasn't really happy that he was going out so late in the night.
I remember Eggy wearing his dark shades when he was swooping in for his win at poker.
I remember accidentally finding him turning in for the night at 9pm when Yongwen was showing me something, or I was trailing him around the house because I was bored.
I remember seeing the photos of Eggy and us, and not remembering at all how Eggy and Li Yao and Li Yan, and even my brother looked when we were all that young.
I remember thinking one CNY how Eggy and Li Yao and Li Yan have matured within that one year.
I remember how tall Eggy looked, but was actually shorter than Yongwen who is crooked.
I remember how Eggy wrote an assignment on different perspectives and scored a 9/10.
I remember Eggy and Yongwen sharing a private joke on that remaining 1/10.
I remember so many episodes of Eggy that this post will never justify.
I will remember Eggy as that confident, charismatic and charming cousin with the twinkle in his eye who, with his 3 other brothers, I have always looked up to. His laughter and jokes still ring in my head. His face, his smile, his build, his muscles are all still there, alive and moving.
Bye bye Eggy, I'll see you in heaven ok?
I saw Mum's behaving her usual when with Dad's side of the family.
I saw Aunty Doreen and Uncle Roger handling the finances as usual.
I saw everyone's eyes light up when I introduced Alvin as my boyfriend.
I saw the brothers brave the stress that were heavy upon them.
I saw the New Zealand High Commissioner attending and contributing, and making a speech to my cousin he has never met.
I saw a message written by a Little Gal. A-ha, Eggy is a naughty boy.
I saw Eggy make headlines on all the newspapers left right centre.
I saw A-gou holding back her tears everytime someone gives her a hug.
I saw Yongzheng giving me a blank look as he identified me as his niece.
I saw Yongwen making it the best for Eggy as he fights off the demands from everyone possible.
and I remember.
I remember playing hide and seek in Mama's house.
I remember finding Eggy in the toilet.
I remember Eggy telling me he was top in English and a class monitor.
I remember that magician that A-gou got to perform at Eggy's birthday.
I remember feeling confused when Eggy's classmates called him by his real name.
I remember the Eggy's and Li Yao's joint birthday party at MacDonald's.
I remember how Eggy and Li Yao were close like brothers.
I remember thinking I had to win Eggy because I was the best in the family.
I remember Eggy was the only of the four brothers who played hide and seek with us.
I remember his animated story of how he tried to kill a frog in the forests of Brunei.
I remember him trying to squash a bug then being stopped by his mother. "Eggy, don't do that. Smelly."
I remember him saying that "Even at the age of 21, my mother must control me."
I remember him coming over to play poker on the second day of CNY.
I remember how A-gou wasn't really happy that he was going out so late in the night.
I remember Eggy wearing his dark shades when he was swooping in for his win at poker.
I remember accidentally finding him turning in for the night at 9pm when Yongwen was showing me something, or I was trailing him around the house because I was bored.
I remember seeing the photos of Eggy and us, and not remembering at all how Eggy and Li Yao and Li Yan, and even my brother looked when we were all that young.
I remember thinking one CNY how Eggy and Li Yao and Li Yan have matured within that one year.
I remember how tall Eggy looked, but was actually shorter than Yongwen who is crooked.
I remember how Eggy wrote an assignment on different perspectives and scored a 9/10.
I remember Eggy and Yongwen sharing a private joke on that remaining 1/10.
I remember so many episodes of Eggy that this post will never justify.
I will remember Eggy as that confident, charismatic and charming cousin with the twinkle in his eye who, with his 3 other brothers, I have always looked up to. His laughter and jokes still ring in my head. His face, his smile, his build, his muscles are all still there, alive and moving.
Bye bye Eggy, I'll see you in heaven ok?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The meaning of tears
Yesterday Alvin called while I was just waking up at 11 plus in the morning. While talking on the phone I felt a sudden urge and burst into a waterfall of tears, telling him I missed him and wanted him by my side.
Last night at 2 am while having our goodnight call, I felt like crying again, and let the tears roll down across my nose bridge as I laid on my side.
Today at 6.35 pm my father texted to say that my cousin fell while mountain climbing and died. Time of death, 7am New Zealand time.
Last night at 2 am while having our goodnight call, I felt like crying again, and let the tears roll down across my nose bridge as I laid on my side.
Today at 6.35 pm my father texted to say that my cousin fell while mountain climbing and died. Time of death, 7am New Zealand time.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
We have night markets too
Singaporean: What's nice to see and do in Taiwan?
Taiwanese: Oh you should totally visit our night markets. You can try out the ones at Shihlin, Raohe and Shi Da.
Singaporean: Cool. Singapore has night markets too. We call them pasar malam.
Taiwanese: Oh really? Where do I find them?
Singaporean: Err.. Maybe Ang Mo Kio? Or Tampinese?
Taiwanese: Oh you should totally visit our night markets. You can try out the ones at Shihlin, Raohe and Shi Da.
Singaporean: Cool. Singapore has night markets too. We call them pasar malam.
Taiwanese: Oh really? Where do I find them?
Singaporean: Err.. Maybe Ang Mo Kio? Or Tampinese?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
他
第一次有机会望着他的背后，就在他的摩托车上，我感受到了莫名的温暖。
第一次惊慌地躲在他身后，看着远方一只狗狂吠，我找到了安全感。
第一次坐在蓄水池旁靠在他的肩膀，我认识了幸福。
第一次被他笑死三八，我知道了乐趣。
他，不小器，不自私，不计较，没心机。更不会像某些人做一些不可思议的离谱事，然后到处向外人装可怜。
他，很体贴，很细心，很护家，很有耐心。他清楚地让我知道我们将来的家是建立在爱的基础上，以幸福为墙壁，以欢乐为大门，以我们的名字共同于上帝骄傲地写下我们的门牌。
他是我的幸福，就如我是他的。
第一次惊慌地躲在他身后，看着远方一只狗狂吠，我找到了安全感。
第一次坐在蓄水池旁靠在他的肩膀，我认识了幸福。
第一次被他笑死三八，我知道了乐趣。
他，不小器，不自私，不计较，没心机。更不会像某些人做一些不可思议的离谱事，然后到处向外人装可怜。
他，很体贴，很细心，很护家，很有耐心。他清楚地让我知道我们将来的家是建立在爱的基础上，以幸福为墙壁，以欢乐为大门，以我们的名字共同于上帝骄傲地写下我们的门牌。
他是我的幸福，就如我是他的。
Monday, November 08, 2010
Dark Marketing
Promoting Autopsies:
Get an anatomy of yourself! Know where your organs are, and why you are dead! No charge, to you at least.
Burial spots:
Choose your neighbours for eternity! Offer lasts till the government starts exhumation.
X-Rays:
Get a photo of yourself stark naked! Like really, stark naked.
Amputation:
Where it's dead, let it go. You'll find yourself a new leg of life. Or arm of strength. Or whatever body part of hope.
Injections:
It.....! Screw it. Finding a painless alternative will be a better bet for all humanity.
Medicine:
They seldom work like you thought they would, but you are cured, right? phttt.
Operations:
We'll never know what's wrong till we look inside.
Husbands:
Just choose. Guaranteed at least minimal quality. No refunds allowed.
Haunted House:
Be the proud owner of the second old Changi General Hospital!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Fly on the wall
Me: Whoa! You are staying over the first day you meet parents
Him: You are no better lor...
Heh. Yeah hor.
Him: You are no better lor...
Heh. Yeah hor.
Friday, October 22, 2010
I challenge you
Ladies, would you give up your pads for tampons?
Tell me what you think!
http://nusbschool.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_42Sk7FWKQ3OO4ao
Yeah la, it's for a school project la..
Tell me what you think!
http://nusbschool.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_42Sk7FWKQ3OO4ao
Yeah la, it's for a school project la..
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Thank you for coming into my life
He, is my shelter and my warm blanket. My anchor in the stormy seas, and the one God so beautifully brought into my life. Every time I recall the events that brought us that one important step closer, I can't help but smile and wink at God's ingenuity.
He reminds me of who I am when I say things that others would judge at face value. He never rushes, never pressures, never sees me for anymore than who and what I am. I don't have to even consider about how I look or what I wear, what I've done or who I was. He cares for me like how I thought love himself would do, but now there is an added sense of security.
He is genuine, and it shines in his eyes. He never despises, never judges, never pries, never minds. He is really, the prince from the fairy tale, the hero from the idol drama that I had always prayed for.
I ever did wonder if at anything at all, it was only to spite the nightmare I had only just come out from. That if I did not embrace this, then I would be letting myself down. But God somehow set my heart at peace in this. There is the familiar sense of rest and reassurance that can only be divine.
I know you read this, and you'll probably say there is no need to. Well, thank you for coming into my life, and being more than just a blessing :)
He reminds me of who I am when I say things that others would judge at face value. He never rushes, never pressures, never sees me for anymore than who and what I am. I don't have to even consider about how I look or what I wear, what I've done or who I was. He cares for me like how I thought love himself would do, but now there is an added sense of security.
He is genuine, and it shines in his eyes. He never despises, never judges, never pries, never minds. He is really, the prince from the fairy tale, the hero from the idol drama that I had always prayed for.
I ever did wonder if at anything at all, it was only to spite the nightmare I had only just come out from. That if I did not embrace this, then I would be letting myself down. But God somehow set my heart at peace in this. There is the familiar sense of rest and reassurance that can only be divine.
I know you read this, and you'll probably say there is no need to. Well, thank you for coming into my life, and being more than just a blessing :)
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
See you in Heaven, Mrs Lee
Mrs Lee makes her final journey today. As with many Singaporeans, I feel like I lost a role model, a teacher, an inspiration. She is who my mother taught every lady should aspire to be, and someone I have learnt to have a deep admiration for.
Beyond her intelligence and immense capabilities, I admire her for her humility and heart for others. I admire her for her steadfastness and devotion to her husband. Something I am not sure I can do myself.
And her husband has the same deep love for her, something I know most men can't do themselves.
Watching the tributes to her these few days, I can't help but feel proud that Singapore has such a fine daughter. It takes a lot for any person to have such achievements in their careers and family, but even more for one to hold it down as her husband shines.
I am deeply sentimental that she has left us, but prouder than I was of what she has accomplished by being the wonderful lady she was.
Beyond her intelligence and immense capabilities, I admire her for her humility and heart for others. I admire her for her steadfastness and devotion to her husband. Something I am not sure I can do myself.
And her husband has the same deep love for her, something I know most men can't do themselves.
Watching the tributes to her these few days, I can't help but feel proud that Singapore has such a fine daughter. It takes a lot for any person to have such achievements in their careers and family, but even more for one to hold it down as her husband shines.
I am deeply sentimental that she has left us, but prouder than I was of what she has accomplished by being the wonderful lady she was.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Aha! Take that!
Wahahaha I have finally found the answer to people who tell me to look at Job and that "God can answer prayers in many ways. He can answer yes, He can also answer no" and whatever whatever I should stop asking for blessings and stop being so happy about it all because "Blessed is the name of the Lord. He giveth and He taketh." And when that happens, I should not blame Him.
-_-" Yes yes sure. How much more distorted can you read the Bible manz.
STOP TELLING ME MY GOD IS NOT AS AWESOME AS I THINK HE IS!!!
PHTTT.
-_-" Yes yes sure. How much more distorted can you read the Bible manz.
STOP TELLING ME MY GOD IS NOT AS AWESOME AS I THINK HE IS!!!
PHTTT.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Potong Pasir
I ventured into a non-PAP dominated ward yesterday, the difference just hung in the air. There was an immediate calm that descended on me the moment I exited the MRT station and the area felt so serene without bordering on dullness. Shopkeepers were uninterested and bored apparently, but it didn't seem to bother me I don't know why.
A walkway cutting across a field displayed Chiam See Tong's contribution to the people in 2008, and I couldn't help but ponder what the residents did in the 24 years before. But hang on, the station wasn't there for all of the 24 years anyway.
The residential blocks were quaint. The architect seemed to have a distaste for the right angle, opting instead for a weak attempt at designing it as such, probably in a bid to fall within construction regulations.
The entire neighbourhood is powered by invisible economic forces for surely with such a sparse crowd, there must be sufficient market attractiveness to fill up every square foot of shop space, even to the point of dividing the floor area to incredible proportions.
There is a very silent and powerful lure to the area as you just wish to turn that same corner one more time. Everything is different when it is really the same, everything is fascinating when nothing has changed. It is unspeakable how the place makes you feel, and how it has been deliberately forgotten but has stubbornly survived.
I'll bring my camera there one day.
A walkway cutting across a field displayed Chiam See Tong's contribution to the people in 2008, and I couldn't help but ponder what the residents did in the 24 years before. But hang on, the station wasn't there for all of the 24 years anyway.
The residential blocks were quaint. The architect seemed to have a distaste for the right angle, opting instead for a weak attempt at designing it as such, probably in a bid to fall within construction regulations.
The entire neighbourhood is powered by invisible economic forces for surely with such a sparse crowd, there must be sufficient market attractiveness to fill up every square foot of shop space, even to the point of dividing the floor area to incredible proportions.
There is a very silent and powerful lure to the area as you just wish to turn that same corner one more time. Everything is different when it is really the same, everything is fascinating when nothing has changed. It is unspeakable how the place makes you feel, and how it has been deliberately forgotten but has stubbornly survived.
I'll bring my camera there one day.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The Family Court
The Family Court is.. whoa. I don't even know what words I have for it.
There is no expected suspense in the plot whatsoever, but the ending definitely twists.
A straightforward case between an irresponsible father and a grown-up son becomes entangled with human emotions when a low IQ brother is added in. A prostitute turns out to be an abandoned woman who just wants her son back but only for impossibly selfish reasons but then is actually a doting mother.
Videography is excellent as well. It's not cliched, or excessively revealing. The viewer is put in an interesting third-first person position, where we are well aware that we are watching a story, but we are seeing it as the characters would.
You are kept thinking by the people, wondering what on earth they are, paying less attention to the plot per se, but still second guessing yourself nevertheless. The people are extremely real and their stories are close to life; it's almost like a group of your friends who get hit by events in life and they have to deal with it just like we humans do. Strong acting compact it further and it is for sure that despite the beautiful people they are, the show does not thrive on what is only skin deep.
There is no expected suspense in the plot whatsoever, but the ending definitely twists.
A straightforward case between an irresponsible father and a grown-up son becomes entangled with human emotions when a low IQ brother is added in. A prostitute turns out to be an abandoned woman who just wants her son back but only for impossibly selfish reasons but then is actually a doting mother.
Videography is excellent as well. It's not cliched, or excessively revealing. The viewer is put in an interesting third-first person position, where we are well aware that we are watching a story, but we are seeing it as the characters would.
You are kept thinking by the people, wondering what on earth they are, paying less attention to the plot per se, but still second guessing yourself nevertheless. The people are extremely real and their stories are close to life; it's almost like a group of your friends who get hit by events in life and they have to deal with it just like we humans do. Strong acting compact it further and it is for sure that despite the beautiful people they are, the show does not thrive on what is only skin deep.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Writing a diary builds humility
I remember my early attempts at writing a diary when I was a kid. Taking literally the instructions of people further in life, I wrote down the exact happenings of the day earlier. It was almost a transcription of real life minus the feelings, thoughts and emotions.
I remember an entry sparked by a random inspiration to write and fill up a new notebook, and thinking that the day had not turned out the perfect way I think all things should be. So I re-wrote that day's history to how I want future generations to see it. And then mum read it.
I remember her asking me why I wrote things that way when they happened another way and I shrugged it off with a clumsy "Aiyah, just anyhow write la", receiving a sharp "How can anyhow write one" in return.
I remember thinking obviously that was not the real reason and what was real could not be told.
Writing a diary is stripping yourself naked and looking at your own body in the mirror. Your imperfect body parts, awkward proportions, random blemishes all staring back at you without any disguises. You have to face it and take it head on or you'll never know what the body can do beyond standing there as it is.
Writing a diary builds humility. It makes you admit you are the way you are.
I remember an entry sparked by a random inspiration to write and fill up a new notebook, and thinking that the day had not turned out the perfect way I think all things should be. So I re-wrote that day's history to how I want future generations to see it. And then mum read it.
I remember her asking me why I wrote things that way when they happened another way and I shrugged it off with a clumsy "Aiyah, just anyhow write la", receiving a sharp "How can anyhow write one" in return.
I remember thinking obviously that was not the real reason and what was real could not be told.
Writing a diary is stripping yourself naked and looking at your own body in the mirror. Your imperfect body parts, awkward proportions, random blemishes all staring back at you without any disguises. You have to face it and take it head on or you'll never know what the body can do beyond standing there as it is.
Writing a diary builds humility. It makes you admit you are the way you are.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tweetfest!
Just thought I'd concentrate all my microblog posts here.
I need to have more running away dreams. I am running slower and getting caught already!
Bliss is having a pair of strong arms to hold you tight.
Rain is the biggest blessing from Heaven.
Being able to shit when you should is awesome!
Why does my dad smell like a baby?
I can't get enough of idol dramas!
Escapism is my heroin.
Give me a few more episodes and I'll give a damn good review of the The Family Court.
Channel 8 dramas hasn't seen such quality.. in a while!
I am just totally itching to carry a baby.
I need to have more running away dreams. I am running slower and getting caught already!
Bliss is having a pair of strong arms to hold you tight.
Rain is the biggest blessing from Heaven.
Being able to shit when you should is awesome!
Why does my dad smell like a baby?
I can't get enough of idol dramas!
Escapism is my heroin.
Give me a few more episodes and I'll give a damn good review of the The Family Court.
Channel 8 dramas hasn't seen such quality.. in a while!
I am just totally itching to carry a baby.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Hi Dav
Well Dav, I think you should find out the whole story before you decide what's a shame. Thank you and your cell very much for praying for me, but I hold on to the belief that it's nothing more than a hypocritical act that he is praying for me.
I have learnt from before, during and after the trip that he is good with words, with professing his love for God and doing things that benefit only himself, then proclaiming it in God's name.
It is true that I hate him, and it's not as easy to let go as you say it is. I am praying, definitely. But don't simplify the whole matter and the hurt I've experienced.
I cannot, anymore, think that there is anyone more in his heart than he and himself. I have seen too much that even when I intentionally close my eyes, I am still blinded. And in no surprise at all, the person who gave the final blow was he himself.
You may think that post was hurting to read as a friend of his, but what brought you to this blog in the first place? You and I, who never met? Do you know what happened on my side of the computer before I finally wrote it out? Did you think it was just a post immaturely written without a blink of an eye?
But don't be mistaken I am leading an angry and hateful life. I am happy, yes. The various unhappy episodes throughout all the time I've known him have finally stopped playing in mind, no doubt in part thanks to you and your cell's prayer :)
But if you ask me now, I still have absolutely no wish of seeing and talking to him. His actions and words have overwhelmingly convinced me that he is the centre of his world, and anything else is only to raise himself higher on his own pedestal.
I have been emotionally beaten up by him, and I know better than to let myself be hurt by him once more, and somehow this is something I know will definitely happen should he start appearing in my life again.
If you think that this is not true, and I am biased, I do not deny. But I know I have not jumped to conclusions. I am just choosing to protect myself and preventing me from pulling myself back into that abyss of anguish.
We both have our sides of the story, and you might be better acquainted with his side. Don't bother sharing it with me, though. I am sick, and tired, of hearing him explain himself.
Why I'm writing this to you, simply is because my blog is my shout-out, and sometimes, that is what I need to do. I am not talking to people about this, you know. And really, your comments are just pulling me back to what I'm trying to leave behind. If you think that I'm immature, inconsiderate, conceited, and everything else bad (or in his words, sinful), then please kindly refrain from this page. It will do the both of us good.
God bless you too :)
I have learnt from before, during and after the trip that he is good with words, with professing his love for God and doing things that benefit only himself, then proclaiming it in God's name.
It is true that I hate him, and it's not as easy to let go as you say it is. I am praying, definitely. But don't simplify the whole matter and the hurt I've experienced.
I cannot, anymore, think that there is anyone more in his heart than he and himself. I have seen too much that even when I intentionally close my eyes, I am still blinded. And in no surprise at all, the person who gave the final blow was he himself.
You may think that post was hurting to read as a friend of his, but what brought you to this blog in the first place? You and I, who never met? Do you know what happened on my side of the computer before I finally wrote it out? Did you think it was just a post immaturely written without a blink of an eye?
But don't be mistaken I am leading an angry and hateful life. I am happy, yes. The various unhappy episodes throughout all the time I've known him have finally stopped playing in mind, no doubt in part thanks to you and your cell's prayer :)
But if you ask me now, I still have absolutely no wish of seeing and talking to him. His actions and words have overwhelmingly convinced me that he is the centre of his world, and anything else is only to raise himself higher on his own pedestal.
I have been emotionally beaten up by him, and I know better than to let myself be hurt by him once more, and somehow this is something I know will definitely happen should he start appearing in my life again.
If you think that this is not true, and I am biased, I do not deny. But I know I have not jumped to conclusions. I am just choosing to protect myself and preventing me from pulling myself back into that abyss of anguish.
We both have our sides of the story, and you might be better acquainted with his side. Don't bother sharing it with me, though. I am sick, and tired, of hearing him explain himself.
Why I'm writing this to you, simply is because my blog is my shout-out, and sometimes, that is what I need to do. I am not talking to people about this, you know. And really, your comments are just pulling me back to what I'm trying to leave behind. If you think that I'm immature, inconsiderate, conceited, and everything else bad (or in his words, sinful), then please kindly refrain from this page. It will do the both of us good.
God bless you too :)
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Pink flower
Pretty pink flower, lovely pastel hue.
Daintily imprinted, invisibly dyed.
Drawn to grow upwards.
Or downwards however you see.
Daintily imprinted, invisibly dyed.
Drawn to grow upwards.
Or downwards however you see.
Wonder. What child could that have been.
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