sixth sense

You know how sometimes in life you bump into someone you wished you never knew..? And then you try your best to put him out of your mind and hope you never see him again.

But then one day out of nowhere you suddenly get this bad premonition that he'll appear again all of a sudden and your mind races through the thousand and one possible scenarios that might happen in the unfortunate occasion that you do meet.

Thank goodness those thousand and one scenarios never happened.

Singlish

Is it any wonder that Singaporeans would have our own brand of English?

This foreign language that belongs to none of us, yet forcibly injected into our legal and education systems.

Even in China where Chinese is the language of birth, there are hundreds of dialects and variations; how can we expect Singaporeans, who learnt the language from scratch in one generation to speak and write English without a sprinkle of our background?

Singlish is what makes us Singaporean. It's our shared history, culture and unspoken words. It gives meaning to the single "Yes", and life to "I agree with you".

So why, really, clamp it down?

All that matters is that we know how to keep it back when we're talking to others who are not us right?

What is my worth?

I just received another disappointing result today. I fear.

Modules now are focused on projects, essay assignments and individual work. I can't seem to score the 90-odd percent so common in the past.

I am very afraid. Beyond MCQs, mathematics and simple short answers, am I really nothing more?

Am I letting my true worth be decided by a few grades that will last only my first job?

I know what atrocities I can do when I don't put in any effort. But I am beginning to wonder what can I do when I do put in effort.

Something is misdirected somewhere. Father, what is it?

The man in the green room

I remember when I was in upper secondary or junior college, I would notice this person sitting at his table in a room painted apple pastel green in the block opposite mine. I would be able to see him from my living room, and he would still be at the table around 1 plus.

Two years in hall and I forgot about him. Instead, I noticed if my neighbours were sleeping, and if the horns at the port were blaring tonight.

Two years later I'm back at home, working late into the night, procrastinating as usual. (I'm seriously a night person la. I should just stop pretending.)

He still sits at the table. Sometimes his kids or wife would come in and talk to him for a while. But he remains at the table. I always wonder what he is doing, or not doing.

Like me tonight, whoever has been noticing this long-haired girl at her table in her peach-coloured room. I am blogging, not writing my &$#@! essay.

ANTS

Deep in the ghettos of District 3, a small wet market slowly comes to life. Fishmongers displaying their fish and butchers preparing the meat for the day.

A stock man saunters towards a junction of stores. Store owners looked up from their chores as the man came to a stop at the centre.

In a powerful voice he pointed at each of them and commanded "ANTS!"

Heads quickly bowed and fast fingers worked in acknowledgement.

In two minutes, every person was holding out a small bag of their wares for the burly man.

Familiar glances and knowing smiles passed through their faces as he went around collecting the bags.

Community.

74 bus uncle went on strike

Uncle, WHY??

Three seconds of my life

Need to diet before CNY.

Ooh bak kwa!

Shit.

Confessions of a perfectionist

I have a confession to make. I am a perfectionist, and I have a perfect ideal of myself which, I am obviously not there yet.

I want to be a talented musician, excellent singer, agile sportsperson, versatile dancer, knowledgeable student.

I want to be smart, pretty, flexible, adept at interpersonal relations. I want to be able to learn things with a snap of the finger, have a performer's intuition, entertain others, able to accept criticisms and work on it.

I want to be really flexible, to be able to do splits, to reach high notes effortlessly, to have pitch-perfect singing, to have such nimble fingers, to have dimples, bigger boobs and perfect fair skin.

I used to blame my genetics and upbringing for not being to reach any of those. After all, it's better to have a reason then to admit I'm not able to do it.

Then one day, I suddenly saw it another way.

If I was so far from perfect by birth, how much have I been given to be able to dream these dreams today.

I am definitely not a born talent, but I dare to dream, and I dare to work for it.

So I will be.

Considerate Smokers Association Annual Gala Dinner 2010

Good evening.

Welcome to the inaugural first annual Considerate Smokers Association Annual Gala Dinner.

We have come a long way since smoking became a social activity. We have battled lung cancer activists, concerned governments, and irritating children. Smokers have also shifted mentalities from asserting their free choice rights to creating a positive impact with their necessary time-out habits.

We at the Considerate Smokers' Association are the embodiment of such positive attitude.

In the following five hours, I will outline and explain in detail, with theories from the fields of psychology, philosophy, sociology and biology, 8495 ways of smoking considerately.

The first and foremost and easiest and simplest way is to smoke downwind when you smoke at a bus stop. Let the wind carry your cigarette smoke above and away from the heads of the maddening crowd into the skies of liberation.

Next, tilt your head and exhale upwards. Let the cigarette smoke represent your dreams. Release it towards realisation with each well-drawn puff.

Third, douse your cigarette butt with water before leaving. Give it a meaningful end and let everything begin anew after that.

The world is a beautiful place with people like us the Considerate Smokers Association around. I'll continue this momentous speech with my theories and explanations after we finish the first clause.

I am your non-smoking chairperson.

Please enjoy your meal.

Tired day

My eyelids are heavy, my shoulders are aching, I am dragging my feet, my speech is slurred, I have been spouting nonsense in class the entire day and I come home to a nice warm dinner.

It's days like this I am glad I am staying at home.

I miss hall

Shortly after I came back, I dug out the old contact lists compiled from when I was still in hall.

As I started keying in entry after entry, memories of that person ran through my head.

Oh, that's my funny neighbour who couldn't wake up in the morning, and that's another neighbour who couldn't wake up at all, and that's another neighbour who was always telling me to sleep.

I remember him torturing the cockroach, and how he kept trying to chase that girl. How they would always give a listening ear, and share goodies with everyone when they had any.

What a wonderful senior, what a sweet junior.

Hrmph. I miss hall.

New phone settings should be customised by retailers

I lost my phonebook! All 390 contacts of them. Except for SWOC's I don't know why.

Stupid sync contacts stupid delete from phone stoopid ACCEPT!!

New phones should entirely be set and synchronised by retailers.

If every contact was a momento left behind, i have lost an entire cupboard of souvenirs. Especially some like my beloved JC teachers I can never get their names back into my phone book. ARGH!!!!!!

Don't think too much don't think too much don't think too much

不要想太多不要想太多不要想太多

whew

My world

Have you ever entered a state of mind where what you see is not what it is? You have a sudden urge to rush out and do something, but where you are is not where you are, what you're doing is different from what's in your eyes.

Welcome to my world.

Reality is a very irritating black hole; constantly screwing up my space-time continuum. I live in a glass sphere. Entered since I was born, and forced out of it immediately. I struggle to keep my feet in the bubble, while others keep trying to pull me out of it.

It's annoying, irritating and frustrating.

Things are beyond perfect in my beautiful globe. I am the queen, the star and life of it all. My fingers run over the piano like a river going downstream, my legs carry me faster than the wind. My wit is the envy of all that surround me. But alas, I can't resist the temptation and venture beyond my comfort zone.

I am living an out-of-this-world experience.

Random thought

I wish there's a way I can flesh out the daydreams in my head.

Need to exercise!

Repeat title.

Target. 30 x 4 sit ups per day.

Totally lost all my muscle ability. Shit.

And work on my flexibility. I'm as flexible as a block of wood. Argh.

At the ripe old age of 22, it's still possible!

My dream of becoming a star

As graduation looms, I begin to ponder the future career path I want to take. And I've decided I want to be.. a star!

Knowing me and how I'll best survive in the industry, I've decided to start out as a singer in a group. But I can't survive in an all-girls group or if it's just me and all guys (I think, though I'd pretty lavish that), so it's gonna be a mix.

Here's my career path for the next 50 years.

Start as a singer in a 3 guys 2 girls group, based in Taiwan and set to expand to Asia, and then the rest of the world.
Group can sing (including acapella), dance, break dance, rap, beat box, play instruments. (so talented right??)
“五个人感情非常好，团队永远不会拆散”
Group members are effectively bilingual.

Group dynamics is (or are?) very important to me. We must be able to play and work together like best friends, respect each other, understand each other, and even know what each other wants without having to say it out. Keyword: Chemistry.

Expand into acting in idol dramas and singing duets with other singers, sometimes guest starring in their MVs.
Endorse products as a group and as individuals, earn lots of money, eat lots of good food then get endorsed by slimming products companies :)
Guest sing in other people's concerts.
Do some hosting stints here and there.
Appear in all of the Taiwan variety shows and spike ratings for each episode.
Become media darlings for our fun and unpretentious attitude.
Build a strong reputation for our work ethics and talent (how could I leave that out?)
Love every minute of it cos I'm with four of my bestest buddies (the rest of the group)

Maybe and hopefully win awards. I even prepared a segment of my speech for Singapore's 金曲奖.
“我也要谢谢我的父母。 他们今天有来。Hi mum, hi dad, thanks for deciding to spare my life when I told you I want to be a singer. I owe today's achievements... and my life, to you."

Write lyrics for our own and other people's songs.
Compose our own songs and sometimes other people's.
Maybe choreograph dance for others sometimes.

Graduate to "legend" level with really expensive fees for appearances.
Act in movies and musicals as a hobby.

Is there anyone who wants to sign me up yet???

I need to sing in NDP 2010!!

朋友

我。非常非常的想见他。但是我怕。怕失望，怕伤心。

不知道他怎样了。应该还是跟以往一样开朗，天真。

现在的我，脑海里一直浮现着他的画面。他的声音，表情，一举一动都清清楚楚地就在我面前。

很想问一声“朋友，你最近好吗？”

A thought from the past

Flipping through my diary, I found an entry dated 6 January 2009. (It's in Chinese)

爱。简简单单的一个字，包涵着那么丰厚的意义。十个笔画的组织累积了千古万代的流传，经过了千变万化的改革才成了今天的标识。

今日的爱象征的是情爱。无时无刻的思念，不能控制的热情。新传媒体的影响导致一代接一代对爱的自私观念。唯有信服才是爱。若需牺牲就不是爱。

媒妁之言，父母之命不再有效。流行想法和辙来，不合辙散。爱在这一代的手里成了一个轻薄的游戏。从前的长相厮守，专一不变也随着爷爷奶奶们渐渐的离开。

我们到底几时才会醒悟？从此以后的幸福快乐永远只属于童话故事里。迷误地走着，抱着不实际的欲望，寻找不存在的伴侣。

这就是爱的诅咒吧。以枷锁让我们渴望自由选择，却又让我们在自由里空欢喜一场。年轻的我们好高骛远，失望了，成熟了才学会脚踏实地， 在我们心目中仍然守着童话的梦想会有几个？这个海市蜃楼值不值得我们的坚持？

现在再读读看，也不清楚我那时候是觉悟了，还是绝望了。。

My first concerto

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Snoring in D Minor

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