Good evening.
Welcome to the inaugural first annual Considerate Smokers Association Annual Gala Dinner.
We have come a long way since smoking became a social activity. We have battled lung cancer activists, concerned governments, and irritating children. Smokers have also shifted mentalities from asserting their free choice rights to creating a positive impact with their necessary time-out habits.
We at the Considerate Smokers' Association are the embodiment of such positive attitude.
In the following five hours, I will outline and explain in detail, with theories from the fields of psychology, philosophy, sociology and biology, 8495 ways of smoking considerately.
The first and foremost and easiest and simplest way is to smoke downwind when you smoke at a bus stop. Let the wind carry your cigarette smoke above and away from the heads of the maddening crowd into the skies of liberation.
Next, tilt your head and exhale upwards. Let the cigarette smoke represent your dreams. Release it towards realisation with each well-drawn puff.
Third, douse your cigarette butt with water before leaving. Give it a meaningful end and let everything begin anew after that.
The world is a beautiful place with people like us the Considerate Smokers Association around. I'll continue this momentous speech with my theories and explanations after we finish the first clause.
I am your non-smoking chairperson.
Please enjoy your meal.
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