你与我

小朋友，怎么了？闷闷不乐的
我让一个朋友伤心了，但我却不知该怎么办。

人爬到那么高的时候，是不是就会忘记失望？

你那么的高大，却为了我放下了身段。我不是不领情，可是，我感恩的是有你这个朋友。每一天因为有你，所以开心。你的存在足以让我全心感谢，并不会因为你做多一件事，或少一件事而增加、减少。

What won't I give, to see your most genuine smile again? Be ok k

More noose

Noose just in:

Due to the large number of crowds gathered at the Marina Bay area, the island of Singapore has reportedly tipped on its south end.

People returning from Johor Bahru at the Causeway now need to dismount and push their vehicles up to return. Custom officials on the Malaysian side also said they had to reach up to collect passports for checking.

The tilt has also benefitted some of the residents in the northernmost end of the island, as they now can catch glimpses of the parade from their houses. More are also able to view the fireworks from their windows.

泪。流下的时候

到了最后，那滴泪还是流下了。
我爱的红鞋呢？

让人想流泪的是伤心的事
让人流下泪的是关怀

谢谢你一直在我身边
这十一年来的友情
好珍贵

当世界
对我不以为然
对我为所欲为
以为欺负就是理所当然的时候
幸好有你

谢谢你的不离不弃

It's coming

You feel it too
The wall we both see
The awkwardness we can't destroy
Things are different now
Since that very one day
We both feel it, we both see
Yet will do nothing to take it all away

You know it's coming
It's an uneasy air
We say more without saying
but can't say more than what hasn't been said
The signs are there
Luminous only to us
Some are expectant, though more are ignorant

It won't be long now
The time will come
The promises I will keep
Then when it comes, I won't look back

无理头

这是一首无理头的歌
听到那么多创作
我也想来一下
可是“啊!"怎么办？我没东西好写！
生活里好多小事
只足以记下一两句
不够筹成一首歌
一首 完整 有理头 的歌

没有周杰伦、陈信宏、吴青峰 的才华
（怎么全都是男的）
却有无际无边的梦（其实是白日梦）
虽然中文曾考不及格
还要爸妈来见老师
可是反正都是梦
写个乱七八糟也无所谓

没有rhythm没有beat
没有节奏 没有率
最厉害的是
这首歌没有曲

这就是一首无理头的歌
怎样！

Bubbles

This is my bubble. I am the center, the substance, the everything
My reality is a thought away
I say what I see, I see what I see
And then the bubble is transparent
Is that how the two of them live?

Two with distressed minds, speaking with clarity and conviction, and spouting utter nonsense. A self-appointed moral authority denouncing gossip and dismissing sinners. A young lad of grand theatrics and a melodic crisp accent.

At least they dared to say it without mediation.

Who are the sane ones now?

Agenda setting role of our media

In the news today: an MP got married.
Unreported news, an illusion of peace, a selling broadsheet built on entertainment. The agenda setting function of our most widely read paper is screwed.

How could it even happen in the first place?

Well done to the two foreign workers and thank you. Kudos to Singaporeans too for applauding them and showing our appreciation in our own way.

But seriously, what were the parents doing??

Thank you, Mr Lee

No tribute of Mr Lee would be complete without mentioning his devotion to his wife.
He has shown us what it means to be a leader, a Singaporean, a man, a husband, a father.
Thank you Mr Lee, for being the blessing Singapore needed.

太阳

我很想当你的太阳。
可是从前至今，你始终是我的太阳。
你照亮我的天空、
晒走了不开心、
赶走了黑暗。
我很想用我的一切守护你。
可是，用尽了全部也保不了你万分之一的光芒。

增经有过狂热的夏天，
我很开心。
回忆会随我一生。
孤单时陪伴我，
伤心时哄我
寂寞时带来欢笑。
你是否一样？

答应我，你会好好的。
失去你
我不敢想。

告诉我，
怎样才能让你再真心的说
你，开心了？

请你好好的。

To Eggy

Dear Eggy,

We finally had a party at your house again this year. Didn't see you, and wondered where you were. Wanted to say hi, and tell you we are all good.

Li Hao just came back from exchange in the Netherlands. Had a lot of fun, made a lot of friends, went to many places, met a lot of girls, brought none of them back. And he actually took touristy photos in beautiful Europe!

Li Yao (and me actually) got promoted. Dear cousin now is a maaaanager! Managing a team of one, himself. And mine is still the same position.

Li Yan is, quiet as always. Shy, reserved, and takes her cue from Auntie Jenny.

Uncle David looks more and more like my dad by the day. He sat down at our table the other night, and out of the corner of my eye, I thought my dad joined us at the kid's table.

Uncle Roger and Auntie Doreen are still filling up our cups. Sans your brothers of course. They even waited for your mother to leave before opening the bottles.

Mama, is old. We can't hear her speak, she can't hear us talk. She's down to soft and wet foods, and she mostly sleeps after eating. She doesn't walk anymore. Li Hao said that's about it, we're just waiting. But I'd rather just wait, and wait. It is still always an assurance when Mama holds my hand, whether or not she knows it. I don't want to go back to where we sent you off.

How's Kong Kong? Young, strong and more handsome than he was? How are you? Enjoying the tallest mountains and most delicious food?

I won't pretend you're still around. But I know you are here with each and every one of us. I miss you, as we all do. Your laughter still resounds so clearly in my head. I saw a girl on the train the other day. She looked like you when you were young, but she's pretty much an adult. Round face and doe eyes. Though I have no idea to whose benefit this is haha. I have no idea how I'll react if one day I see a little boy who looks like the drawn portrait of you.

The wait is a lot longer for us than for you.
So do me a favour.
Prepare me a feast for when we meet again.
Welcome me with open arms and your trademark laughter.
Let me hear stories and tell me jokes.
Bring me places and show me what's fun.
Then, introduce me to the others, one by one.

Eggy, we are all well. How are you?

我，还在逃。

我以为，我没再逃了。梦，停了。不再出现了。我以为，我不跑了。长大了。

没。梦，变了。我还在跑，还在逃。只是场景变了。

我，长大了。

小时候的逃，是在家楼下。花园后的网球场是被追上的地方。就在那里开始躲。一面一面的墙壁迅速地在我眼前闪烁过。左边、右边。边跑，边躲。

现在的逃，是托着行李箱匆匆忙忙的离开。很混乱，很笨拙。能掉的掉，能坏的坏。很狼狈。终于能逃脱的地方，就是现在被追上的地方。一场大龙凤的当中，我就会惊醒。

我，还在逃。

Sounds

Just finished a series. In it, a radio DJ goes around town recording sounds of the city. Reminded me of when I once recorded these sounds in my head too.

It's been a while since I heard them. Have I forgotten how to?

I have no thoughts, no opinions, no inspiration. Even writing this line is an urge to go back and add in the word "new". Just to justify myself.

It isn't the heat of the world, for it can't take us away if we didn't allow it to. We created it and made it spin, and we get caught up by it and get lost in it. It is a self-perpetuating wave, and we look like we are proud of it.

I want my soul back. Be it the broken heart, or mindless whirl, or just the ennui of it all. I just want life to return, and my eyes to smile again.

I want to hear once more, the rhythmic march of the early morning crowd, the innocent remarks of a pre-school child, the sigh of tires on the road, the rumbling engine of a bus pulling up, the heartbeat of life that is life.

Come back.

Rest

Woke up feeling unusually tired today. Weary, exhausted, tired.

Thought back to the night before.

What wore me out

Or, have I finally rested

Running. Running.

怎么办。我脑海里看到的，是在雨中的奔跑。

Running. Running. Tears warm my face comfortingly. The rhythm of my footsteps assuring. It is a release fuelled by heartache. I can't see where I'm going, or have any direction in mind. Scenes flash through my head, but I have no idea where I am. I wear a dress, soaked fabric cling to my legs. My exposed arms shivering, I can feel the wrinkles in my toes.

世界依然的巡转，城市依然的流动。雨中，车子来来往往，街上无人横行。
唯有我；跑着，跑着。没人看，没人理。

舒。

In this society, there is only one right answer. And that is "Yes"

I've always grappled with the concept of saying "No". It was so simple, yet so complicated. It is such an easy answer to give, then such a difficult answer to accept. Later on, I would learn it to be a difficult reply too.

I loathe dressing up and going for whatever. It used to be because I did not have the appropriate clothes for the occasion. Then it was because of the awkwardness in that artificial skin we donned for the event. Now, even as I learn to be an actor, I still find myself uneasy breathing in a mood deliberately hung up by someone else. (Yes, it wouldn't be that bad if I could tune the air myself.)

A friend once told me, "If you do not have a valid reason, you'll have to go". Indeed. It was either "Yes", or "Yes, but", never a simple, straightforward, easy "No".

I always thought people were weird in asking why not. Then I realised even they don't know what they are asking. They've fallen into the norm, and can't see the others outside of it.

And of course there are those who know when they ask why not. Though their ability to weave around the norm would have already accepted my easy "No".

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, this is the way society will remain. The norm is too entrenched, and it is tough for a fabric to be weaved if weaknesses are to be just allowed. It isn't exactly respecting a choice, but more like keeping things together. Humans connect easier than we realise, in the same way we disconnect easier than we would admit. But a connection once made, at most fades. It doesn't go away, wanted or unwanted.

Wonder, what do those born in the norm see?

Travelling, a wanderer

This November, I've made two trips.

One on a seeking adventure through large cities and small towns, and another on a wandering stroll in a somewhat familiar place. I have mitigated the extremes in a sense, with extensive research and fact-finding before the trip to Japan, where I do not speak the language, and choosing a blank itinerary for Hong Kong, where I can get by sufficiently with speech.

Familiarity helps. Knowledge is necessary. It helps keep the eyes open, and prevents the senses from being overwhelmed.

We become conscious of ourselves in a foreign environment, suddenly realising how we are we, and how they are they. We need to first have an inkling of what others are like, so we can put these observations aside. Establish a basic reference, from which to enrich, shift, or obliterate altogether. That saves the effort of onerously building one in an unfamiliar city, where limited resources should be conserved.

Knowledge, must be packed for travels.

Us

One of us found the concept of portable barbeque. One of us needed company. One of us called for a meeting of the three of us.

We decided we would find a spot on Mount Faber, and went up the one-way road, and up and up and up, and then road started going down, and then down, and Mount Faber was over.

So we thought we would try out Bishan Park, and we went onto what we thought was CTE. And Toa Payoh went by. Then one of us opened the pack of Doritos. And it didn't matter where we were heading.

Out at Adam road, we decided we would do it at my place, and we were to reach before the Doritos ran out.

We ended up setting up the pit along the stairs. Sausages were to be fried instead.

End of food, we packed up and went back to the car for a drink. Parking lasted till 10.30pm, after all.

And we talked.

They left at midnight, on a Thursday night.

All because I needed company. That night, they wished only for me to sleep well, again.

Us.

Yes, you need a degree

Society needs university graduates. People need degrees. But not in the way the Singaporean government has made it out to be.

A university education should be about learning. Not blind pragmatism. It's true that school should be about skills for the work place, but the definition of those skills should not be limited to the same narrow field as the occupation.

It has been said that only 10% of what we learn in school is applicable in the work place. University takes up only four of 16 years in a typical JC student's study path. Then wouldn't the government's syllabus for the first 12 years be largely useless? Of course not! It is up to the individual to apply, however, whenever, whatever. Mathematics principles can be used in communication, geography cases in algorithm, history in strategy.

The classification of knowledge was never cast in stone firstly: computer, I.T., maths, physics, sociology, communication for example.

University opens minds. It puts you on the shoulders of giants. It illuminates the dance of ideas between the heads of many. It opens your eyes to see that thing you see every day differently. All before the brains of a typical undergraduate matures.

And for that, those who cannot bother with learning, should not bother with university.

Running and motivation

 

I succumbed. I ran my first 8km (4x2km) in 10 years today. The familiar scents of the rubber track and freshly cut grass juxtaposed with the consciousness I'm no longer running as a student. Through the humdrum of pounding feet, a few thoughts dropped in:

 

1. Without an end, the same task gets dreadful

2. The nearer to the end, the further it looks

3. Focus on the task, the process, the environment, the end, the goal, anything but yourself. Being self-centred gives up hope, and welcomes negativity

4. Breaks, work. But too many breaks pull you back.

5. Know yourself to be able to achieve more.

6. Negotiate and compromise, but never give up hope.

 

I am ready for my first speaking engagement!