Just keep it simple

A simple life can be made complicated. Simply because people want to feel good. They blame others, claim credit, project their own faults onto the weak, bully, push, lie and cry.

I have to admit, it feels nice to put yourself first. But it’s really awful for the person forced to compromise. I wish you’d wisen up, I wish you’d shut up. I wish you’d leave us alone. You are such an ass.

Restarting a diary

Saw someone typing a diary on my flight back from Jakarta. With my perpetual lack of sleep, disjointed thoughts and ridiculous short-term memory, I wondered if I should do the same. I thought about using which notebook to use, and felt it the best with pen and paper. But the practicality of it pretty much overrode the catharsis offered by the medium.

Typing on my phone now for Blogspot sucks. But it might still be the best after all.

Running my head through the week, it was still the comment made to me on Friday night that stuck. Because it stung and it was unfair. She just must spoil a person’s day. Like it’ll be an unchecked task if she just doesn’t keep her mouth shut. I wish she will. For real.

人

自己，是一个很可怕的陷阱。伤心的时候渴望快乐，快乐的时候。。有几个是盼望悲伤的，我们心知肚明。只是，这种变态的欲望，不是大家都会意识到的。而且，是没有理由的。

我，现在活在快乐当中，心却莫名的痛。这，是我不知觉的向往吗？还是，喜欢了想要得不到快乐的感觉？

One shot

Sometimes, when it's just one shot, or what you think is one shot, how do you continue to believe when you miss?

Lord, help me.

What is home

It's the last day of the trip, and I wake up to an alarm blaring "Home!" on the screen.
Home. The place I head to at the end of every trip. The place I wanna leave the moment I touch down.

Maybe because it's the starting point of my next destination. Maybe because I won't know what to do if I miss the flight back. Maybe with a price tag on, the trip back must be made.

Where does home start, where does it end. My room, the house, the land, the airport? Familiarity. To know yourself by knowing the difference in others.

How many years. I still run.

Prayer for myself

Lord, I ask that You come through for me at all times. Stay with me and keep me strong. Let me not be affected by people that shouldn't. Help me to let go. Let not my feet be worn by the pebbles in the shoe, nor my spirit be hurt by disappointment and betrayal. Keep me, protect me, from the dusty acts of people in this world. Lord, look after me as I bow my head and do my thing. And get me a new job. In Jesus' name, amen.

瓶子

当一个人要逃离时，瓶子里，能给予的方式好多，好精彩。
我要把思想挥洒出去，却又怕听到的人大做文章。
不怕世界的眼光，只怕爱我的人担心。
没有束缚的想法，好荒谬，好舒服。
好可怕。
我爱不清醒的自己。
我，怕我。
不痛的世界，多好。

Episode 2 - Wasted

Finally got sufficiently drunk last night. And I remembered every second of it.

When the first retch came, I prepared and pulled out a plastic bag. Then I thought I'd close my eyes and get rid of the sick feeling. When the first purge came, it was so fast, so uncontrollable and so messy. I tried my best to direct everything into the bag, but a good portion of it went onto my clothes and handbag.

Then I saw the back of the driver's seat in front of me and said "Sorry, Uncle". I asked if I could wind down the window and he said it would be worse. Eventually he opened a tiny gap for both him and me. The babe continued to be sound asleep.

I regained consciousness sufficiently after the purge, and for two minutes was wide awake. Not sleepy. Then somewhere along the way, I felt ashamed. My mind drifted in and out and ran thoughts like those at the end of a dream; logical but incoherent. I felt ashamed I could not control my muscles, and however I tried, I couldn't grab and clean the food off my clothes properly.

Cab uncle was nice and gave me wet tissues and a mint to try and soothe the nausea. I ended up holding the thing in my hand the whole journey after just one lick.

I wanted to get off the cab when she got off, and spare Uncle the horrible smell. But he said "Never mind la. I send you back." I managed to pass a $50 back with the wet tissue that Uncle gave me, and somehow could let him know the cab fare was there. He was concerned when I reached, asking if  anyone was coming to pick me. He wanted to return me the change, but honestly, he deserved every cent of it.

I stumbled to the drain next to the lift and marvelled as the vomit fell neatly into the drain. Holding the handrails for support, I just studied how every muscle tightened involuntarily, and the world won't stop spinning.

I wonder if Dad smelled anything when I got home. Hydrochloric acid stinks.

I like episode 2.

你与我

小朋友，怎么了？闷闷不乐的
我让一个朋友伤心了，但我却不知该怎么办。

人爬到那么高的时候，是不是就会忘记失望？

你那么的高大，却为了我放下了身段。我不是不领情，可是，我感恩的是有你这个朋友。每一天因为有你，所以开心。你的存在足以让我全心感谢，并不会因为你做多一件事，或少一件事而增加、减少。

What won't I give, to see your most genuine smile again? Be ok k

More noose

Noose just in:

Due to the large number of crowds gathered at the Marina Bay area, the island of Singapore has reportedly tipped on its south end.

People returning from Johor Bahru at the Causeway now need to dismount and push their vehicles up to return. Custom officials on the Malaysian side also said they had to reach up to collect passports for checking.

The tilt has also benefitted some of the residents in the northernmost end of the island, as they now can catch glimpses of the parade from their houses. More are also able to view the fireworks from their windows.

泪。流下的时候

到了最后，那滴泪还是流下了。
我爱的红鞋呢？

让人想流泪的是伤心的事
让人流下泪的是关怀

谢谢你一直在我身边
这十一年来的友情
好珍贵

当世界
对我不以为然
对我为所欲为
以为欺负就是理所当然的时候
幸好有你

谢谢你的不离不弃

It's coming

You feel it too
The wall we both see
The awkwardness we can't destroy
Things are different now
Since that very one day
We both feel it, we both see
Yet will do nothing to take it all away

You know it's coming
It's an uneasy air
We say more without saying
but can't say more than what hasn't been said
The signs are there
Luminous only to us
Some are expectant, though more are ignorant

It won't be long now
The time will come
The promises I will keep
Then when it comes, I won't look back

无理头

这是一首无理头的歌
听到那么多创作
我也想来一下
可是“啊!"怎么办？我没东西好写！
生活里好多小事
只足以记下一两句
不够筹成一首歌
一首 完整 有理头 的歌

没有周杰伦、陈信宏、吴青峰 的才华
（怎么全都是男的）
却有无际无边的梦（其实是白日梦）
虽然中文曾考不及格
还要爸妈来见老师
可是反正都是梦
写个乱七八糟也无所谓

没有rhythm没有beat
没有节奏 没有率
最厉害的是
这首歌没有曲

这就是一首无理头的歌
怎样！

Bubbles

This is my bubble. I am the center, the substance, the everything
My reality is a thought away
I say what I see, I see what I see
And then the bubble is transparent
Is that how the two of them live?

Two with distressed minds, speaking with clarity and conviction, and spouting utter nonsense. A self-appointed moral authority denouncing gossip and dismissing sinners. A young lad of grand theatrics and a melodic crisp accent.

At least they dared to say it without mediation.

Who are the sane ones now?

Agenda setting role of our media

In the news today: an MP got married.
Unreported news, an illusion of peace, a selling broadsheet built on entertainment. The agenda setting function of our most widely read paper is screwed.

How could it even happen in the first place?

Well done to the two foreign workers and thank you. Kudos to Singaporeans too for applauding them and showing our appreciation in our own way.

But seriously, what were the parents doing??

Thank you, Mr Lee

No tribute of Mr Lee would be complete without mentioning his devotion to his wife.
He has shown us what it means to be a leader, a Singaporean, a man, a husband, a father.
Thank you Mr Lee, for being the blessing Singapore needed.

太阳

我很想当你的太阳。
可是从前至今，你始终是我的太阳。
你照亮我的天空、
晒走了不开心、
赶走了黑暗。
我很想用我的一切守护你。
可是，用尽了全部也保不了你万分之一的光芒。

增经有过狂热的夏天，
我很开心。
回忆会随我一生。
孤单时陪伴我，
伤心时哄我
寂寞时带来欢笑。
你是否一样？

答应我，你会好好的。
失去你
我不敢想。

告诉我，
怎样才能让你再真心的说
你，开心了？

请你好好的。

To Eggy

Dear Eggy,

We finally had a party at your house again this year. Didn't see you, and wondered where you were. Wanted to say hi, and tell you we are all good.

Li Hao just came back from exchange in the Netherlands. Had a lot of fun, made a lot of friends, went to many places, met a lot of girls, brought none of them back. And he actually took touristy photos in beautiful Europe!

Li Yao (and me actually) got promoted. Dear cousin now is a maaaanager! Managing a team of one, himself. And mine is still the same position.

Li Yan is, quiet as always. Shy, reserved, and takes her cue from Auntie Jenny.

Uncle David looks more and more like my dad by the day. He sat down at our table the other night, and out of the corner of my eye, I thought my dad joined us at the kid's table.

Uncle Roger and Auntie Doreen are still filling up our cups. Sans your brothers of course. They even waited for your mother to leave before opening the bottles.

Mama, is old. We can't hear her speak, she can't hear us talk. She's down to soft and wet foods, and she mostly sleeps after eating. She doesn't walk anymore. Li Hao said that's about it, we're just waiting. But I'd rather just wait, and wait. It is still always an assurance when Mama holds my hand, whether or not she knows it. I don't want to go back to where we sent you off.

How's Kong Kong? Young, strong and more handsome than he was? How are you? Enjoying the tallest mountains and most delicious food?

I won't pretend you're still around. But I know you are here with each and every one of us. I miss you, as we all do. Your laughter still resounds so clearly in my head. I saw a girl on the train the other day. She looked like you when you were young, but she's pretty much an adult. Round face and doe eyes. Though I have no idea to whose benefit this is haha. I have no idea how I'll react if one day I see a little boy who looks like the drawn portrait of you.

The wait is a lot longer for us than for you.
So do me a favour.
Prepare me a feast for when we meet again.
Welcome me with open arms and your trademark laughter.
Let me hear stories and tell me jokes.
Bring me places and show me what's fun.
Then, introduce me to the others, one by one.

Eggy, we are all well. How are you?

我，还在逃。

我以为，我没再逃了。梦，停了。不再出现了。我以为，我不跑了。长大了。

没。梦，变了。我还在跑，还在逃。只是场景变了。

我，长大了。

小时候的逃，是在家楼下。花园后的网球场是被追上的地方。就在那里开始躲。一面一面的墙壁迅速地在我眼前闪烁过。左边、右边。边跑，边躲。

现在的逃，是托着行李箱匆匆忙忙的离开。很混乱，很笨拙。能掉的掉，能坏的坏。很狼狈。终于能逃脱的地方，就是现在被追上的地方。一场大龙凤的当中，我就会惊醒。

我，还在逃。